The Identity Odyssey: Navigating Purpose and the Seas of Self (Part 2)
Establishing purpose, goals, and a sense of self.
Weekly exploration of science, technology, and philosophy, threading together actionable insights on health, happiness, and human connection for a more fulfilling life.
Last week, in Part 1 of The Identity Odyssey (linked here if you have not read it yet), we explored self-understanding, challenges and revelations, influences and distractions, and building a purpose-driven life. This week, we will turn external and start to understand how we cultivate these spaces and develop a strong and healthy response pattern that will allow us to continue becoming better versions of ourselves.
If you are a consistent reader, you know I like to start with a quote, so let's break down this one from Confucius in a more relatable way. Imagine you're trying to clean up a really messy room, but instead of starting with the whole room, you focus on organizing one shelf at a time. Confucius applies this logic to fixing the world's problems and understanding yourself.
He's saying, "Look, if you want to make the world a better place, you can't just wave a magic wand and poof, everything's perfect. You gotta start small." Before you go out there trying to change the world, make sure your own country is in good shape. But how do you make sure the country is doing well? You ensure that families within that country are strong and healthy because families and people are the building blocks of society.
Then, Confucius takes it a step further and says, "Hold up, before we even get to family, let's talk about you—the individual." He believes that in order for families to be solid, each person in that family needs to have their act together. And getting your act together starts from the inside. It's all about having a good heart and being a better version of yourself than you have been before.
So, essentially, Confucius is laying out a game plan for helping the world around us, and it starts with each of us. It's like he's saying, "You want to fix the world? Great, start by fixing yourself." It's a call to action for personal responsibility and growth, suggesting that the ripple effect of our own self-improvement and finding our purpose can eventually lead to a better world. Pretty cool way of looking at things, huh?
And that is how we kick off today's edition of Connective Threads, The Identity Odyssey: Navigating Purpose and the Seas of Self (Part 2).
A friendly reminder of the map for last week's journey:
Part 1
Setting Sail: The Quest for Self-Understanding
Navigating the Seas of Self: Challenges and Revelations
The Siren's Call: External Influences and Distractions
Charting the Course: Building a Purpose-Drive Life
This week we are charting a new course to the below isles:
Part 2
The Crew: Relationships and Support Systems
Weathering Storms: Resilience and Adaptation
Land Ahoy: Finding Purpose and Embracing Identity
Continuing the Journey: Lifelong Exploration and Growth
So raise your mast (again) and let's get to it.
1. The Crew: Relationships and Support Systems
In every voyage, one cannot underestimate the vital role of the crew. As we sail across the vast and often unpredictable waters of self-discovery, it is our relationships and community that help us steer the ship and adjust the sails. These important people in our lives serve as the north star by which we navigate, guiding us through the darkest nights and stormiest seas. They provide a sense of belonging and connection that is essential for any journey, especially one as intricate and complex as understanding who we are. Just as a ship's crew works together to keep the vessel afloat, our personal relationships help to support and sustain us as we explore the depths of our identity.
Since the start of the pandemic, I have begun taking a proper look at the support networks that I have in my life and asking myself, "Where do I feel supported in my life?", "Where do I need help?", and "Where do I need to put more energy into developing my tribe?". It was an interesting practice at first, as it felt like I was taking inventory of the people around me. Still, it actually helped me understand what type of person they are in my life - a social friend, a support system, a romantic partner, a professional colleague, etc. And in turn, what I was to them.
Right after the pandemic, I started a group called Full Moon Mindfulness. This group allows me and my friends to get together every full moon to discuss our well-being, goals, and challenges in life. I found that my life was missing an intentional space for reflection and support with friends in a group setting. I was fortunate to have a therapist and executive coach at this time, and I wondered why I had not had similar conversations with the people who mean so much to me.
This moment brought me back to my purpose in life: "Be the person you needed when you were younger." The younger version of Brian would have needed someone who could show up for relationships, identify areas of opportunity for improvement, and act on that for the people around him.
We now use this space to be our most authentic selves. We show up with our flaws, discuss our goals and dreams, and offer support to each other as we work through and listen to others' experiences. I find this time to be some of the most meaningful time in my schedule in any given month. I have learned so much about my friends and their dreams, and I can now show up for them in very intentional ways to help support them. They have also shown up to do the same for me, and I will be forever grateful for that..
Mentors, friends, and family are the navigators, deckhands, and lookouts of our personal journeys. A mentor can be like the wise captain, offering years of experience to help chart a course through unfamiliar waters, often helping to avoid the unseen shipwrecks beneath the surface of our decisions and actions. Friends are like loyal crew members, ready to man the oars with us, share in the labor of self-improvement, and celebrate our triumphs. And family (and/or chosen family) are the anchors, providing a steadfast rock that can help us find our way back when we drift too far from who we truly are. They are the ones who offer a broader perspective, reminding us of where we've come from and what truly matters when the lighthouse of our own insight seems dim. Together, this crew doesn’t just accompany us; they enrich the journey of self-discovery with their support, guidance, and love, making the voyage not just possible, but worthwhile.
Weathering Storms: Resilience and Adaptation
As we explore the vast oceans of self-discovery, resilience and adaptation are the dual stars by which we must navigate. As the journey unfolds, it’s guaranteed that we’ll be hit by setbacks that will test our ship’s capabilities and our own inner strength. These moments are as inevitable as the changing tides, and while they may threaten to capsize our boats, they hold within them a powerful opportunity: they are catalysts for growth and learning. The commotion of these storms can break down our protective walls, crack open our shells of comfort, and force us to confront the raw and turbulent seas of change. In these upheavals, there’s a profound lesson to be learned—that our responses to adversity define our character and the map of our personal journey.
One of my favorite stoic principles is "You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond." I try to remind myself of this in any situation, as small as someone cutting me off while driving or in more serious situations like going through a tough breakup.
This next example might be a bit personal, but my goal of this exploration is to create transparency and space for people to connect with me and ask questions, so here we go;
After my last break up in 2021/2022, I found myself at one of the lowest points in my life, in a new country with no family, no daily routine, and a set of brand new friends whom I had yet to form deep relationships with. I recall moments where I would sit and cry, staring at the River Thames because I didn’t understand how I ended up there. It was a very tough moment, but also one of the most formative moments to become the person I am today.
I remember looking at myself in the mirror one night and saying, "What has happened to you?” and thinking - this is the moment I will take control of this.
In a few months, I realized how much the responsibility for my happiness fell into my own hands. I could approach the situation thinking that all the odds were stacked against me without my predeveloped relationships, the support of my family, or daily habits that brought me happiness. Instead, I decided it was a blank slate, and now it was up to me to create and discover what that happiness and support in a new city would look like. I started taking different classes about pottery, wellness, and ice baths, I started to spend more intentional time with people with whom I thought I might be able to develop deep and meaningful friendships, and I began to develop a routine centered around things that I knew brought me happiness - health, fitness, habit stacking, and meeting new people.
Ultimately, it led me to be the happiest I have ever been due to one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. I went through a full journey beyond what I had originally thought of just getting back to homeostasis and started exploring what my most fulfilled life would look like. It is important to acknowledge that there are many moments where I still have a wobble and experience ups and downs, but developing this resiliency has been one of the most impactful skills of my life.
It starts with learning to patch up our sails after they’ve been ripped by the winds of failure or hardship. Building resilience is reinforcing the hull of our ship, allowing us to withstand the waves without leaks. This process is intentional and practiced; it’s about learning to recognize the signs of an approaching storm and preparing ourselves mentally and emotionally for impact. It’s about realizing our ability to pivot, to take in new information and adjust our course accordingly, always keeping an eye on the horizon of our goals. It requires developing a compass of core values that stays true even when the stars are obscured by the storm clouds. By embracing strategies such as mindfulness, fostering a positive outlook, seeking support from our crew, and learning from past challenges, we become adept at sailing through life's hardest challenges, not merely surviving them, but emerging with a clearer vision of who we are and a refined course toward who we wish to become.
Land Ahoy: Finding Purpose and Embracing Identity
As the distant silhouette of land begins to take shape on the horizon, the end goal of this single voyage comes into view: finding purpose and embracing identity. This is the port we've been seeking—a place where the long journey across the seas of self yields a sense of belonging and understanding of your identity. To know one's purpose is to stand on the deck at dawn and see the sunlight illuminate our destination - It is the moment when we can finally say, "This is who I am. This is where I'm meant to be." Embracing our identity doesn’t mean the seas were always calm or the journey straightforward, but rather that we've charted our unique course through them and discovered our place in the world.
As I've mentioned, I start every day by brushing my teeth and reading "Be the person you needed when you were younger" on my bathroom mirror. It has been a true guiding star in my journey, and every time I ask myself that question, I find it seems to make any opportunity, challenge, or obstacle easier to navigate.
This sense of purpose and identity is more than just a psychological anchor; it is a light illuminating our lives with meaning. It contributes to our overall well-being by providing a foundation upon which health, happiness, and fulfillment can be built. When we understand who we are and what we stand for, we move through the world with confidence, much like a ship that knows its home port. We're better able to make decisions that align with our true selves, set boundaries, and pursue passions that resonate with our core. This congruence between our inner and outer worlds is the essence of authenticity and the key to a fulfilling existence. As we step ashore, having found our purpose and embraced our identity, we can look back at the sea that has shaped us and look forward to the life that awaits us with a profound sense of gratitude and excitement. Here, at the intersection of self-knowledge and self-acceptance, lies the true treasure —inner peace and a life rich with intention.
Continuing the Journey: Lifelong Exploration and Growth
Even as we reach milestones, we realize that the journey of self-discovery and finding purpose is not a single destination but an unending voyage. The seas of self are infinite, and with each journey crossed, a new one emerges. Our understanding of who we are is ever-changing, evolving with the tides of time and experience. The idea is not to anchor at the shore of a rigid self-concept but to sail on, embracing the winds of change that continually reshape our sense of identity and purpose. This process is not linear but a spiral, where each cycle brings deeper insights and broader perspectives, solidifying the rewarding experience of personal growth.
In 2024, I have several ways of challenging myself to continue to learn and grow. The most prevalent one is the one you are engaging with right now. I have decided to share my thoughts and explorations with a border community through Connective Threads in hopes of solidifying my own thoughts on these concepts, fostering inspiration, and sparking excitement in other people on a similar journey.
In addition, I plan to take new classes in the art world, focus on developing meaningful passions, and even go as far as saying I would love to be in a relationship this year. Through the work of building my own fulfilled life, I have realized that I am confident in who I am, and the next step in this journey will be to show up for another person in the same way that I show up for myself. I look forward to supporting and growing with another person who can challenge me to be a better version of myself every day and allow me to listen, see, and hear them as their true authentic self to support them through growth and challenges as well.
To sustain this journey, we must be explorers of our inner selves—committing to lifelong learning, reflection, and an openness to new experiences. It's about setting sail from the our current settings and understandings into the uncharted waters of what we have yet to discover about ourselves. Reflection is our compass, learning is our map, and new experiences are the stars by which we navigate. By cultivating a spirit of curiosity and a heart willing to be transformed by what it encounters, we ensure that our growth is not just a phase but a way of being. The call is to be as expansive as the journey itself—always growing, always becoming, and always exploring the vastness of health, happiness, and human connection.
Conclusion
Embarking on "The Identity Odyssey" allows us to navigate the intricate seas of self-discovery, resilience, and purpose, understanding that each wave shapes our identity, from the calmest to the most challenging. Along this voyage, we find that our purpose, the tools that help us navigate, the crew of our relationships, the storms we weather, and the shores we reach all contribute to the ongoing evolution of authenticity and our sense of self. As we continue to sail forward, embracing continuous growth and reflection, we realize that the true treasure lies not in a final destination but in the journey and the personal transformation it brings.
As we saw in the study at UCLA referenced in The Identity Odyssey Part 1, determining your purpose and sense of self will not only lead to a more fulfilled life but also a healthier one with low inflammatory gene expression and high expression of antiviral and antibody genes, creating a healthier genetic makeup for you to show up more meaningfully in this world.
So go on, put this into practice, and live a healthier, happier life full of human connection and fulfillment.
