The Identity Odyssey: Navigating Purpose and the Seas of Self (Part 1)
Establishing purpose, goals, and a sense of self.
Weekly exploration of science, technology, and philosophy, threading together actionable insights on health, happiness, and human connection for a more fulfilling life.
This quote by Seneca in letter 71 of his 121 letters outlining his thoughts on being a better person brilliantly captures the essence of purpose and direction in life. It is a metaphorical reminder of the importance of setting clear goals, finding an overarching guiding principle in life, and the inspiration for today's entry into Connective Threads.
Seneca was a Roman stoic philosopher, statesman, and playwright who lived from about 4 BCE to 65 CE. He is known for his profound works on ethics and philosophy and his advising role to Emperor Nero. He was a member of Roman society and a very well-regarded figure, but also extremely controversial. He is often looked to for his great contributions to philosophy. Still, in the same breath, many people mention his banishment to Corsica for adultery with the emperor's niece. Seneca's life was riddled with great moments of success and very dark times. His works continued until his last days and followed him through these times of extreme highs and extreme lows, which has made for great literature to dissect and understand.
This quote stood out to me as I thought about how I wanted to guide today's exploration on purpose for several reasons:
The initial reason was that the metaphor of a ship setting sail is a clear scenario that most people can understand and relate to via several events that will guide our discussion.
I enjoy that the ship can be in motion, handling itself quite well amidst turbulent waters and even transporting precious cargo. Still, unless it has a clear direction for its journey, the other actions are rendered nearly useless.
I love that Seneca made mistakes. It is a good reminder that even as a man of great power, he is human; we are human, and things will happen. His journey highlights the importance of resiliency and determination, which we will get into later.
And that sets the tone for today's discussion on purpose and sense of self.
The map for today's journey will be broken out into 2 parts; Part 1 is explored this week, and Part 2 will be continued next week:
Part 1
Setting Sail: The Quest for Self-Understanding
Navigating the Seas of Self: Challenges and Revelations
The Siren's Call: External Influences and Distractions
Charting the Course: Building a Purpose-Drive Life
Part 2
The Crew: Relationships and Support Systems
Weathering Storms: Resilience and Adaptation
Land Ahoy: Finding Purpose and Embracing Identity
Continuing the Journey: Lifelong Exploration and Growth
So raise your mast, and let's get to it.
1. Setting Sail: The Quest for Self-Understanding
Sailing the personal seas to find your purpose is like navigating by the stars—you’re charting a course in the vast expanse based on what lights you up inside.
Having a strong sense of purpose is significantly linked to happiness and health. In a study done at UCLA, in collaboration with the University of North Carolina, it was found that happiness derived from having a deep sense of purpose and doing good for others has a healthier genetic effect (kudos to epigenetics!) than pleasure-seeking activities. This type of happiness, often called eudaimonic well-being, is contrasted with hedonic well-being, which is based on self-gratification. The study discovered that individuals with a high level of eudaimonic well-being exhibited low inflammatory gene expression and high expression of antiviral and antibody genes, suggesting that their genetic makeup was healthier than those who pursued hedonic happiness. [1]
People's sense of purpose can vary widely as they explore what makes them feel fulfilled in life. Some may seek out pursuits like helping others, and some may seek to create the world's best pastries. Neither is better than the other—what is important is having a sense of direction and a meaning to why you wake up every day.
Now, how do you find a sense of purpose, you say? Let's explore a few common exercises that can help people get started in finding out what is most important to them (each of these will have a full Connective Threads article written about them as well):
Reflective Practices: A great way to start thinking about what matters to you in life is to start by reflecting on your life and asking yourself, "What are some of the most transformative moments in my life and why?". This can help start getting your brain working towards looking for opportunities that have been impactful on you and can help you gain insights into what truly matters to you, what you value, and how you wish to contribute to the world. This is often coupled with practices such as journaling, meditation, and mindfulness to engage with your inner thoughts, feelings, and desires to help you work through what they mean and how they contribute to an overall sense of purpose.
Exploring New Interests and Hobbies: This activity, in particular, can help people a lot, especially in tough spots. I personally used exploring new hobbies and interests as one of the catalysts to help me through my last breakup - I went to pottery classes, booked modeling sessions, and even brought myself out on solo dates to try new cuisines. Trying new activities and exploring different interests can spark a sense of curiosity and joy. This exploration can lead to discovering hidden passions and talents (I can make a mean clay coffee cup now!), which can play a significant role in defining one's purpose. Whether it's learning a new language, taking up an art class, or engaging in outdoor adventures, new experiences can broaden your perspective and inspire a sense of purpose.
Setting and Pursuing Personal Goals: Setting goals that are aligned with personal values and interests can help steer you toward your purpose. By identifying what you want to achieve in different areas of life—whether it's career, education, personal development, or relationships—you can create a map that guides your actions and decisions towards a fulfilling purpose. One of the easiest ways to start goal setting is by starting with what your ideal life would look like one year from now and then breaking it down into more tangible steps to get there. What do you need to do in the next month, quarter, or half year to make sure you are achieving your goals by this time next year?
Engaging in Conversations and Building Relationships: Talking with friends, family, mentors, and even strangers about life's big questions can open new avenues for discovering purpose. I personally started to do more dinner parties and goal-planning sessions with my friends, which allowed me to learn what the driving forces behind their lives were. It was not only informative but also enlightening and eye-opening to hear how the people close to me approached these questions and thoughts in day-to-day life. Sharing stories, aspirations, and concerns with others can provide clarity, offer new perspectives, and strengthen connections. Building meaningful relationships and engaging in communities with similar interests can help us also reinforce a sense of purpose and belonging.
Volunteering and Helping Others: Engaging in altruistic behaviors and helping those in need can provide a great sense of purpose. Volunteering is an area in which I am working to do more, but I think it is very important. By contributing to the well-being of others, you can often find a greater sense of meaning in your life. Volunteering can help you to see the direct impact of your actions on the community and can illuminate passions and paths you might not have previously considered.
For the past 9 years, I have had my purpose of "Be the person you needed when you were younger" on my bathroom mirror to remind me every day how I want to show up in this world. It was through reflecting on my time coming out of the closet and understanding how having people in the queer community who looked like me and had similar dreams would have been the greatest resource set me on this path. I really like this quote because 'younger' could mean yesterday, 10 years ago, or 20 years ago. With that, I find it the best guiding force behind making any decisions in my life.
No matter how you start, setting the intention behind wanting to determine your purpose will help you find the right avenue to discover it.
2. Navigating the Seas of Self: Challenges and Revelations:
You’re the captain of your ship, and the waters you’re sailing are deep and unpredictable. Sometimes you'll hit the rough waters of self-doubt and fear, where waves of uncertainty crash against you, and the winds of anxiety try to steer you off course. It’s in these moments that you need to hunker down and remember why you set sail in the first place. A strong sense of self and purpose will make these challenges feel more like opportunities than challenges.Â
After I started being intentional about asking myself, "Am I being the person I needed when I was younger?" it started to give me great clarity in moments of uncertainty. It had always been my dream when I was younger to work in corporate America at a Fortune 500 company (I thank Junior Achievement class in Kindergarten for that aspiration), so when I was recruited by my first sub $1billion in annual revenue company (Gaingels), I felt at a crossroads. I recall sitting with myself and wondering if it would be the right decision to jump. I ultimately thought about the impact I would want to have on my younger self, and in the end, I realized that I would want to show my younger self that it is important to take new opportunities that challenge me rather than stick to a course I had set if it meant that I could make a bigger impact on the community around me.
Gaingels was very mission-aligned with me and focused on creating representation in Venture Capital for underserved communities. Part of my responsibilities, in addition to external relations, was going to include running a scholarship program that would help me reach a group of young people who are making critical decisions in life and find their mentorships and resources to navigate these challenges well. Not only was I going to be able to be the person I needed when I was younger, but this also gave me a platform to be a person that these scholars may need to help them navigate an important time frame in their lives. I am now the happiest I have ever been in any of my jobs by aligning it with my purpose.
The sea is a big place, and it’s full of the unknown, but that’s also what makes the voyage worth it—the revelations. Just like finding new islands and hidden treasures, you’ll uncover things about yourself that you never knew existed. Each challenge you face on these seas is a chance to chart your course and sail towards a life that's is more purpose aligned and fulilling.
3. The Siren's Call: External Influences and Distractions
In the wild ride of figuring out your life's purpose, it’s like society’s got this loudspeaker blaring what it thinks you should be doing. This is the siren’s call, the chatter of societal expectations, cultural norms, and all those pressures that come at you like pesky pop-up ads, trying to pull you off your path. You might find yourself constantly bombarded with messages about what success looks like, who you should be, or what you should have achieved by now, and it's easy to get sidetracked trying to live up to a standard that doesn't even fit you.
One of my favorite exercises to do every quarter is my social media unfollow and aspire day. I learned this from Mel Robbins [2], who does it weekly on her "Unfollow Friday," but I have found it works better for me quarterly so I am not making any knee-jerk reactions.
On this day, I will go through the people I follow and determine whether I think the content they are posting is inspiring me to do better or hindering my ability to be a better person. I ask myself, does their account help make me a better person, does it show me a life that I admire, is it helping me learn a new skill, or is it fostering a relationship with someone I care deeply about? Each of these is a good indicator that I value following that person. On the flip side, I will also ask myself if it hinders my ability to stay true to myself: Does the content align with my values? Am I on a different path than this person? Do I find this content reinforcing the path that I am on or making me feel inferior for not being in a certain place in life? Each question clarifies whether I can categorize someone as an unfollow or aspirational influence.
Additionally, I like to look for thought leaders with skills that I am trying to build. These are often thought leaders, business moguls, researchers, company founders, or, in general, people who are building value for society, and I can find inspiration in learning from them.
So, with all these influences, how do you stay true to you? Write down what's really important to you and check it like you do your socials—regularly. Get into the groove of setting your own benchmarks and celebrating the wins, big or small, on your own terms. And when the external pressures start to feel like too much, take a moment to remind yourself of your own track record, the personal victories you've got under your belt, and take a moment to remember that every sailor is vulnerable to the calls of the Siren's.
4. Charting the Course: Building a Purpose-Driven Life
Passion, values, and personal strengths are like the stars as the navigation that guides us. Passion is the wind in your sails, it’s what propels you forward, even when the waters get rough. Your values are like the compass that keeps you true north; they ensure that the journey you’re on aligns with who you are and what you stand for. And your personal strengths? They're the sturdy build of your ship, the skills and talents that allow you to navigate challenges and harness opportunities. When all three are in sync, they set a powerful direction for your journey, helping you to identify a purpose that resonates with your core.
This is not to say that these things do not change. Every December/January time frame, I like doing an exercise to see what I want to focus on for the new year, and understand how my values may have changed from the year prior. I usually do this with a larger canvas-style paper and spend a weekend getting my thoughts out and charting some goals for the new year, but this year I had a dear friend, Mike, share the below exercise with me that I think is a much better-guiding exercise for people who want to start this practice.
Link: A Year of Miracles [2]
Setting goals is like plotting points on a nautical chart; they're the landmarks that mark the progress on your voyage. These aren't just any points though, they're carefully chosen to lead you closer to your purpose, ensuring every effort you make is a step towards the life you envision. It’s about making choices that not only advance you towards your goals but also feel deeply right and rewarding. By setting goals aligned with your purpose, you're committing to a path that is uniquely yours, and every choice becomes an integral part of a larger journey. It’s the difference between drifting aimlessly at sea and steering confidently towards a new horizon, your horizon.
With these first four steps, we have explored a great start to discovering purpose and setting up your life in tandem with your dreams, goals, and aspirations.
I hope you feel compelled to take a moment in the coming weeks to sit down and work through some of these exercises. This will bring you one step closer to optimizing your life in favor of your purpose and, in turn, helping optimize your health, happiness, and human connections.
I look forward to seeing you next week for Part 2.
Sources
[1]Â https://newsroom.ucla.edu/magazine/sense-of-purpose-happy-healthy