Hopeful Horizons: Why Getting Your Hopes Up is Actually a Good Thing
Exploring the benefits of getting your hopes up and how it helps you achieve your goals, desires, and dreams
Connective Threads is a weekly exploration of science, technology, and philosophy threading together actionable insights on health, happiness, and human connection for a more intentional and fulfilling life.
You know how people say, “Never get your hopes up”? Honestly, I’ve always found that statement to be some of the worst advice I’ve ever heard. It's like they’re saying, “Hey, don’t get too excited about anything because it might not work out.” Sure, they mean well, trying to save us from getting hurt by disappointment, but it's kinda sad, right?
Living like that means you’re always holding back, never really diving into what could be. It’s like sticking to the paved path when going on a hike because you're worried the forest trails might be too rough or lead you off course, even though you’ve heard it’s the most beautiful part. Sure, you avoid the mud and the possibility of getting a bit lost, but think about what you're missing. You don’t get to see the hidden waterfalls, the secret groves with the untouched snow, or the unexpected wildlife because you stayed on the easy route. Getting your hopes up is like lacing up those boots, choosing the path that drives into the woods, and seeing where it leads. Maybe you end up with a few scratches, or maybe you find a spot so perfect it becomes your new escape; either way, you’re out there, experiencing the adventure, not just wondering about it.
So let’s flip the script. Getting your hopes up is actually pretty great. It means you’re all in, ready for the adventure, believing something amazing could happen. Sure, sometimes it might not turn out as you planned, and that can be unfortunate, but think about it—every time you hope for something, you’re giving yourself permission to dream big, stretch, and grow. It's about the hike itself, not just the destination. Each time we dare to hope, we learn a bit more about who we are, what we want, and how to pick ourselves up when things go sideways.
In today’s exploration, we are going to discuss why getting your hopes up is actually a good thing. Life’s too short to always play it safe.
Today’s exploration will discuss how getting your hopes up helps with the following:
Motivation and Goal Setting
Resilience and Perseverance
Positive Emotional State
Improved Physical & Mental Health
Better Relationships
Open to Possibilities
So let’s jump in.
Motivation and Goal Setting
High hopes can motivate you to set goals and work towards them. When you believe in the possibility of achieving something great, you're more likely to take the necessary steps to make it happen.
Imagine you've always dreamed of running a marathon. It's a big goal, especially if you're starting from scratch—maybe you're more used to jogging and Barry’s Bootcamp (my favorite) or haven't laced up running shoes in years. High hopes come into play when you look beyond the immediate challenge and envision crossing that finish line, the crowd cheering, and the personal satisfaction of accomplishing something you may have never thought possible before
This vision motivates you to set a specific, achievable goal: "I want to complete a marathon in one year." Believing it's possible, you start taking the necessary steps to make it happen. You research training plans, gradually increasing your distance each week. You learn about nutrition, recovery, and maybe join a running group for support and advice. Each step is guided by the initial hope and belief that you can indeed run a marathon.
As the training gets tougher, it's this hope—this belief in what's at the finish line—that keeps you lacing up your shoes, even on days when motivation is low. The process transforms you, not just physically but mentally and emotionally, proving that with hope as your driving force, achieving great things is not just a possibility but a reality. I can attest to this one personally (only a half-marathon but still), see below.
Resilience and Perseverance:
Being hopeful can help you bounce back from setbacks and challenges. It fosters a mindset that views obstacles as temporary and surmountable, encouraging perseverance through difficult times.
Let’s take a look at one of my favorite worlds, the world of Venture Capital.
Imagine Sarah, who has always dreamed of opening her own cafe company. She's passionate about coffee and has spent years learning everything there is to know about it. Finally, she decides to take the plunge. She finds the perfect location, secures funding (Probably from Gaingels 😉), and after months of preparation, her cafe opens to the public. However, the initial excitement quickly turns to worry as she faces one obstacle after another: unexpected expenses, staffing issues, and lower than anticipated foot traffic. For many, this series of setbacks might be enough to question their decision or even give up entirely.
But Sarah is hopeful. She believes in her vision for the cafe and sees these obstacles not as insurmountable barriers but as challenges to overcome. This hopeful mindset fuels her resilience and perseverance. Instead of being disheartened by low foot traffic, she gets creative, hosting community events and leveraging social media to increase her cafe's visibility. When faced with staffing issues, she takes it as an opportunity to refine her hiring process, seeking out individuals who share her passion and vision. Each setback becomes a lesson in disguise, a chance to adapt and grow stronger.
Sarah's hope doesn't blind her to the reality of her situation; rather, it provides her with the strength to face each challenge head-on. It's her belief in the possibility of her cafe becoming a beloved community spot that keeps her pushing forward, even when the path gets tough. Her perseverance pays off, and gradually, the cafe begins to thrive, becoming exactly what she envisioned: a place where people come together over their love for coffee (and venture-backed female entrepreneurs). In Sarah’s journey, hope acts as the steady hand on her back, pushing her forward through every setback, embodying the essence of resilience and perseverance.
Positive Emotional State:
Hope can improve your mood and reduce stress by fostering positive emotions and outlooks. It can create a sense of excitement and anticipation for the future, making the present more enjoyable.
Let’s look at a more personal life setting with the story of Leo, a recent university grad who's moved to a new city to start his career. Despite his excitement for this new chapter, Leo struggles with feelings of loneliness and isolation, a common experience for many in new, unfamiliar environments. The transition is tougher than he expected, with the challenge of making new friends and missing the comfort of his old life back home.
In the midst of this, Leo holds onto hope. He believes that this tough period of loneliness is temporary and that there are friendships and connections waiting to be made. This hopeful outlook prompts him to join local clubs that align with his interests, like a weekend hiking group and a photography class. Each step outside his comfort zone is fueled by the anticipation of what could be, turning apprehension into excitement.
Leo’s hope doesn’t erase the loneliness overnight, but it changes how he experiences his days. Instead of dwelling on what's missing, he starts to appreciate the opportunities for growth and new experiences. This positive emotional shift makes the present more enjoyable and less stressful. He finds joy in small moments, whether it’s the tranquility of a morning hike or the shared laughter in a photography class. Gradually, these activities lead to meaningful friendships, transforming his outlook on his new life. Leo’s story exemplifies how hope can foster a positive emotional state, transforming challenges into opportunities for joy and connection and making the journey as rewarding as the destination.
Improved Physical & Mental Health
Studies have shown that a positive outlook, including hopefulness, can have tangible health benefits. These can include lower rates of depression, lower levels of distress, better psychological and physical well-being, and possibly even a longer life span.
Some of my favorite leading researchers in this space include Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania, Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D. (Kenan Distinguished Professor in the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience) of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and Dr. Ed Diener (Dubbed "Dr. Happiness) of the University of Illinois-Urbana Champaign. Their studies on the relationship between a positive outlook, hopefulness, and improved physical health are grounded in positive psychology and psychoneuroimmunology. These studies explore how mental states, attitudes, and emotions can significantly impact physical health and well-being. Here's a breakdown of how these studies contribute to our understanding of the connection between hopefulness and health:
Lower Rates of Depression and Distress: Research has shown that individuals with a more hopeful outlook exhibit lower rates of depression and distress. This connection stems from hope's role in fostering resilience, enabling people to cope more effectively with life's challenges and stresses. A study published in the "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology"[1] found that hope could reduce the risk of developing stress-related illnesses by promoting positive coping strategies.
Better Psychological and Physical Well-Being: Hopeful individuals often report higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction, which are linked to better health outcomes. The mechanism behind this includes the reduction of stress hormones like cortisol, which can have harmful effects on the body when levels remain high over time. For instance, a study in "Health Psychology" [2] highlighted that positive emotions and outlooks can lead to healthier heart rates and blood pressure, contributing to overall cardiovascular health.
Longevity: There is growing evidence to suggest that a positive outlook on life, including maintaining hope, can contribute to a longer lifespan. This might be due to a combination of factors, such as lower rates of chronic diseases, healthier lifestyle choices, and a reduced impact of stress on the body. Research published in the "Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences" [3] over 35 years found that subjects with more positive outlooks had a significantly lower risk of dying over a certain period compared to those with more negative outlooks.
Immune System Functioning: Studies have also explored how positive emotions and hopefulness can enhance the immune system's functioning. A hopeful attitude might help fend off illnesses by boosting the body's immune response. This is part of the broader research field of psychoneuroimmunology, which examines how the brain, nervous system, and immune system interact. For example, a study on psychosomatic medicine in Sage Journal [4] showed that participants with more optimistic life perspectives had stronger cell-mediated immunity, meaning their bodies were better at mobilizing immune cells to fight off infections and diseases.
These studies collectively do a great job showing the link between the mind and body, suggesting that fostering a hopeful and positive outlook can be an essential part of maintaining and improving physical health. It's a vivid reminder that our thoughts and attitudes can have profound impacts on our physical well-being.
Better Relationships:
Optimism and hope can make you more attractive to others, fostering stronger and more positive relationships. A hopeful outlook can be contagious, creating a more positive environment for everyone involved.
I am going to make this example a bit more personal about my own relationships.
I’ve always considered myself to be someone who believed in the power of positive energy and hope, but I realized 2 years ago, while reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle [5], that I hadn't been applying these principles as intentionally as I could have in my relationships. Tolle argues that many relationship issues stem from mind patterns and egoic attachments, which I realized I had subconsciously fallen victim to. I decided to make a change and began to approach my interactions with friends, family, and even acquaintances with a renewed sense of purpose. I felt I had a newfound understanding that meaningful relationships didn’t just happen; they required effort, positivity, and a genuine openness to connect on a deeper level.
I started to reach out more, initiating conversations, suggesting get-togethers, and really listening when others shared their thoughts and feelings. I tried to make a point to express my optimism about the future regularly and my attempts to always see the good in people, which naturally encouraged those around me then to adopt a similar hopeful stance (See mirror neuron activation in the connective threads piece on gratitude). My hopeful outlook started to become something my friends would ask me for tips on, especially during times when optimism was hard to come by. Some of the people closest to me commented on the shift in how I was engaging with them (which was good for positive reinforcement), bringing not just presence but also creating a sense of safety and trust that had gone deeper than before.
I found that pouring my hopeful energy for deeper, more meaningful relationships into the people around me not only enriched my own life but also created a ripple effect in them. In turn, I was much happier and could also see that my friends were showing up in a new way and expressing themselves with a similar level of hopefulness and happiness.
Open to Possibilities:
On a more spiritual side, I see being hopeful akin to holding a key to a door that opens up to endless possibilities. It’s a mindset that encourages you to look beyond the immediate horizon, to see potential where others might see dead ends.
Hopefulness nurtures a belief in a future that’s not only possible but is also brighter and full of opportunity. This belief acts as a powerful motivator, pushing you to explore, to dream, and to take actions that might otherwise seem daunting or even pointless. Whether it be a new connection or relationship that you are excited about, a new business you may have just started, or a new practice such as an ice bath that you know will have long term benefits, having high hopes will allow you to show up and explore these spaces with a new perspective of openess and possibility.
Hope also encourages a broader perspective, helping you see connections and opportunities that aren’t immediately apparent. It’s a mindset that doesn’t just passively wait for opportunities to arise but actively seeks them out, believing in their existence and the potential for success. This proactive approach to life, driven by hope, not only opens up a world of possibilities but also makes the journey towards them more fulfilling.
Conclusion
The idea of "Never get your hopes up" always struck me as poor advice. It's like saying, "Hey, don’t get too excited, things might flop." But honestly, what's life without a little excitement? Sticking only to the safe path because you're scared of a few bumps means missing out on the cool, hidden spots just off the trail. It's those little side adventures that turn a good story into an amazing one. Choosing to hope means you're up for whatever comes your way, ready to turn "what if" into "let's see."
Being hopeful isn’t just about expecting the best; it energizes you to chase dreams, like running that marathon you never thought you could, or Sarah working through the rollercoaster of opening her café. It's this vibe that makes you push through the tough times, knowing something awesome could be right around the corner. Plus, it makes you someone people want to be around, boosting your relationships and opening you up to even more cool opportunities. In short, hope is about diving into life headfirst, ready new connections, new ideas, and approaching life with a mindset of “What is this could turn out better than you ever imagined?”.
Thank you for taking the time to join this week’s exploration. I look forward to exploring with you next week.
All my love,
Brian
Sources:
[1] https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/psp
[2] https://www.annualreviews.org/content/journals/10.1146/annurev.ps.45.020194.001305
[3] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2894461/
[4] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797610362061
[5] https://www.amazon.co.uk/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/0340733500/ref=asc_df_0340733500/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310812942933&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=626603656474829826&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045888&hvtargid=pla-453295548131&psc=1&mcid=e83eda1e1eb833669ff32d57861e1c90&th=1&psc=1