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Through With Intention, my aim is to explore concepts to become a better version of myself, and every person who benefits from me sharing my thoughts and analysis is an added and appreciated bonus.

This quote by Robin Sharma, often known as “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari,” embodies why I started doing ice baths.

The quote, "Doing difficult things you've never done awakens the talents you never knew you had," showcases the power of challenging yourself beyond familiar boundaries. Think about it—when you're thrown into something tough and new, you've got to pull out skills and strengths you didn’t even know you had.

Ice baths are a perfect example of this. At first, plunging into freezing water sounds insane. It’s super uncomfortable and can take your breath away. But if you stick with it, you start to develop some serious grit, mental toughness, and the ability to keep control of your responses when things get tough.

I started doing ice baths when I was at a low point in my life just under 2 years ago. I had gone through a break-up, had developed some very negative self-talk, and to be honest, I didn’t recognize myself when I looked in the mirror because I had felt like I, for the first time in a while, was significantly off track of where I wanted my life to be going.

I remember scrolling through TikTok when I saw a guy doing an ice bath. I was very intrigued by it. Not because of the pick axe that he used to break the top layer of ice in what I assumed to be Canada, but because as he got in, he never lost his breath as he told a story. The story was about how he overcame an addiction to meth by using ice baths to empower himself to do hard things. He spoke about using the power of neurotransmitter production to expose himself to stress in a controlled way that allowed him to practice his responses in a healthy, productive way that aligned with his goals for his future healthy self.

Disclaimer: as I wrote this, I spent a solid 2 hours trying to find this TikTok, which I can vividly picture in my mind, but I think it must have been taken down due to the new increased restrictions on using names of drugs in content.

Although my issues at the time were not as serious as the abuse of meth, I, as the nerd that I am, decided to do a deep dive into the benefits of doing cold plunges, and I am so grateful that I did.

Today, we are going to explore the research that helped me get past my phase of feeling stuck and hopefully help you can learn something new and useful about deliberate cold exposure that can help you no matter where you are in your life.

Today’s Flow:

History & Research

1. History

   1. The Vikings

   2. The Romans

2. Modern Research

   1. Advanced Understandings

5 Benefits of Deliberate Cold Exposure

1. Anterior Midcingulate Cortex - Deliberate Stress Exposure & Doing Hard Things

2. Serotonin & Oxytocin Production - Mood Regulation & Happiness

3. Thermogenesis - Metabolic Rate & Insulin

4. Immunity Increase - White Blood Cells

5. Contrast Therapy - Blood Flow & Recovery

Optimal Exposure

1. Time

2. Temperature

Conclusion

So let’s get into it.

History of Cold Exposure

Cold exposure therapy has roots that date back to ancient civilizations, where exposure to cold water or environments was used for health, religious, or cleansing purposes. The two cultures that I look to when thinking of deliberate cold exposure were the Vikings and the Romans. This is mainly because I grew up in a heavily Scandinavian and German part of the United States, and I have a love for Greek and Roman mythology and history.

I have learned that the Vikings and the Romans both practiced cold water immersion, but their reasons for doing so were influenced by different cultural, climatic, and social factors.

Let’s start with the Vikings.

The harsh environment of Scandinavia (and Minnesota/Wisconsin, where I grew up) has long and harsh winters, making the cold plunge a necessary part of life in ancient times. It was believed to help individuals withstand the physical and mental rigors of life in this challenging environment.

1. Climatic Adaptation: Living in the harsh, cold climates of Scandinavia, Vikings were naturally more accustomed to cold temperatures. Cold water dips in natural bodies of water were likely part of everyday life, helping them adapt to their environment and internal temperature regulation.

2. Health and Hygiene: The Vikings were notably cleaner than many other European societies at the time. They valued bathing and often used cold water as a way to maintain cleanliness and health. There have been many archaeological findings show evidence of their meticulous grooming and bathing habits. [1]

3. Ritual Significance: It was considered a rite of passage for young men, who would demonstrate their courage by jumping into the cold water, often during the winter months.

Now let’s take a look at the Romans.

One of the most iconic symbols of ancient Roman culture is the bathhouse, and these public spaces were central to their daily lives. Roman bathhouses were typically large, elaborate structures that offered a range of amenities, including cold pools for immersion.

Romans would visit the bathhouses to cleanse their bodies, socialize with friends, and relax.

1. Medical and Therapeutic Benefits: The use of cold water immersion in ancient Greece can be traced back to the time of the great physician Hippocrates, who is considered the father of modern medicine. He recommended cold water therapy for a variety of ailments, including fever, joint pain, and digestive problems. He believed that the shock of the cold water would stimulate the body’s healing process and improve overall health.

2. Part of a Comprehensive Bathing Ritual: In Roman bathhouses, a visit to the frigidarium (cold room) was typically the last step in the bathing process, following the warm and hot rooms. This sequence was thought to close the pores after sweating in the caldarium (hot room) and tepidarium (warm room), which was believed to cleanse the body and improve health.

3. Social and Leisure Activity: Bathing for Romans was also a communal, social activity where business and social interactions occurred. The cold baths were just one part of a larger leisure activity enjoyed by many layers of society.

*Side note: If you want a real-life experience of these, check out Ancient Aire Baths in a city near you (it is one of my favorite places).

While both Vikings and Romans used cold baths, the Vikings' practices were more driven by environmental adaptation and ritualistic purposes, whereas the Romans’ use of cold baths was deeply integrated into their public social life and sophisticated theories of health and wellness.

In modern times, the therapeutic use of cold has been studied more scientifically, especially since the 19th century. The resurgence and popularization of cold exposure can be significantly attributed to figures like Wim Hof, who has promoted combining cold exposure, breathing techniques, and meditation to harness health benefits.

Modern Research

Now, taking this to the present day, one primary invention I like to look to when understanding how our brains and bodies work is the computed tomography (CT) brain scan, which was invented in the early 1970s. This invention catalyzed modern research in many ways and amplified our understanding of cold exposure, helping to confirm what ancient societies had seemed to predict long ago.

With CT scans, researchers could, for the first time, take a detailed look at brain structures and see exactly how they react to cold [3]. This opened the door to further advances with MRI and PET scans, allowing scientists to track brain activity and its connection to bodily functions when exposed to cold temperatures. These imaging technologies showed us what's happening inside the brain in real time, providing the hard evidence to back up the benefits observed from cold exposure over time.

Thanks to these tools, research has gotten even broader and more detailed, mixing biology, psychology, and physiology to understand how cold exposure impacts us fully. This has paved the way for controlled clinical trials and extensive studies that focus on the health perks—everything from boosted immune systems to sharper brains. This blend of high-tech research tools and interdisciplinary study has made it clear why deliberate cold exposure can be very helpful.

It is also important to give credit to the democratization of this type of information by people like Wim Hof, Andrew Huberman, Rhonda Patrick, Tony Robbins, and Tim Ferris, who have reached millions with their work to help spread the word about this accessible practice for everyone.

So let’s get into the modern benefits and research.

5 Benefits of Deliberate Cold Exposure

We have now taken a look a the history of cold exposure and how new scientific developments have amplified our understanding of the benefits. Let’s dive deeper into 5 key benefits and practices.

1. Anterior Midcingulate Cortex - Deliberate Stress Exposure & Doing Hard Things

Research has shown that cold exposure leads to spikes in"noradrenaline and dopamine by 530% and by 250% respectively” [4]. This increase is a part of the body's stress response to cold, which triggers the sympathetic nervous system, the system responsible for the 'fight-or-flight' response, impairing your prefrontal cortex’s function by up to 50%—hence why it can be hard to talk your first time doing an ice bath. Norepinephrine acts not only as a neurotransmitter but also as a hormone in the blood, contributing to increased alertness, arousal, and readiness, which are necessary for coping with the stress of cold exposure.

I learned about this specific focus of cold exposure from Andrew Huberman, Neuroscientist, Stanford Professor, and Podcast host [5]. His discussion was around how cold exposure acts as a significant physical stressor, which immediately activates the anterior midcingulate cortex (aMCC), a part of the brain crucial for pain processing, cognitive control, and emotional regulation. This activation is a response to the stress perceived from the cold, triggering the brain's coping mechanisms to manage discomfort and maintain focus despite adverse conditions. According to Huberman, regular engagement with such stressors can "train" brain regions like the aMCC, enhancing their functionality and efficiency. This process is akin to muscle training, where repeated use strengthens and refines its capabilities. By frequently activating the aMCC by getting yourself into the ice bath against your biological predisposition not to enter due to perceived stress, you can improve your ability to handle challenging tasks, bolster attention during distressing situations, and regulate emotional responses more effectively.

I have personally seen this as my biggest improvement from doing ice baths.

During my ice baths, I focus on my biological response as I enter the water. I can feel the spikes in noradrenaline as my heart rate increases and I become more alert. It is also believed that your body starts to produce these hormones even before you get into the water, as your brain knows what it is about to experience, and it tries to prevent you from doing it.

After getting into the water, I practice my responses of keeping a clear mind and maintaining linear thoughts and speaking patterns in the controlled stress setting so when I do experience these stressful settings that are not controlled, I am able to keep calm and know that I have been in this situation before, and I know how I want to respond.

Now, when I find myself in stressful situations, whether that be a discussion with a person, a presentation to a room of 200+ people, or finding myself agitated by any external variables, I recognize the internal feeling of noradrenaline and dopamine increases, indicating that my body is going into fight-or-flight mode. I then stop myself to determine my response rather than have an immediate reactionary response, which is what our body is used to doing.

2. Serotonin & Oxytocin Production - Mood Regulation & Happiness

As a wannabe Neuroscientist, I was very compelled by cold exposure’s effects on our body's chemistry, particularly impacting the production of neurotransmitters like serotonin and oxytocin, which play crucial roles in mood regulation and the perception of happiness.

Serotonin is often called the "feel-good" neurotransmitter because it helps regulate mood, appetite, and sleep. When you're exposed to cold, your body tries to adapt to the stress by enhancing serotonin production, potentially leading to improved mood and feelings of well-being. Moreover, the physical discomfort and subsequent overcoming of it during cold exposure can lead to a psychological lift. This mental boost is caused by the increased levels of serotonin, which can naturally enhance your mood and decrease feelings of depression or anxiety.

Oxytocin, also known as the "love hormone," is associated with feelings of bonding and increased trust. It's generally released in response to physical or emotional warmth and connection, but interestingly, cold exposure can stimulate its release as well. The mechanism here involves the body’s response to stress and the subsequent relaxation phase. When exposed to cold, the body initially experiences a stress response, marked by the activation of the sympathetic nervous system. However, following this, there's a relaxation response mediated by the parasympathetic nervous system, during which oxytocin can be released. This release can promote a sense of calm and well-being, counteracting the initial stress of the cold.

This dual effect of enhancing serotonin and oxytocin through cold exposure can be quite beneficial. Not only does it help in mood regulation by increasing levels of these key neurotransmitters, but it also contributes to an overall sense of happiness and well-being. The initial discomfort of cold exposure might be challenging, but the subsequent neurochemical changes can provide significant mental health benefits, making the practice worth it.

3. Thermogenesis - Metabolic Rate & Insulin

Cold water swimming induces thermogenesis, a process where the body burns calories to generate heat, thereby increasing metabolic rate. This activity not only helps in managing body weight but also improves insulin sensitivity. This is caused by a rise in adiponectin levels, a hormone that promotes insulin regulation. Enhanced insulin sensitivity can aid in better glucose metabolism, contributing to overall energy efficiency and potentially reducing the risk of type 2 diabetes.

4. Immunity Increase - White Blood Cells

Cold exposure is increasingly studied for its potential to enhance immune system function, particularly through the mobilization and increased activity of white blood cells.

When exposed to cold, as we discussed, the body activates its sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for that "fight-or-flight" response. Part of this activation prompts the release of immune cells, particularly white blood cells, from the spleen, bone marrow, and other immune organs into the bloodstream.

The immediate release of white blood cells into the bloodstream enhances the body's ability to detect and fight pathogens more effectively. According to the American Physiological Society Journal [6], the types of white blood cells that are typically increased include lymphocytes (which are crucial for producing antibodies and regulating the immune response), neutrophils (which help fight infection by ingesting bacteria and fungi), and monocytes (which have a role in removing pathogens and dead or damaged cells). This indicates not only an increase in immune cells but also an enhancement in immune communication and response coordination.

5. Contrast Therapy - Blood Flow & Recovery

This is the only benefit we will analyze that has additional elements that you can introduce alongside cold exposure. Contrast therapy, which involves alternating between hot and cold (think ice bath and sauna), effectively enhances blood flow and aids in muscle recovery. The hot water dilates blood vessels, increasing blood flow and flushing out toxins, while the cold water constricts them, reducing inflammation and stimulating the flow of nutrient-rich blood once the temperature normalizes. This practice is particularly beneficial after intense physical workouts, helping to speed up the recovery process and reduce muscle soreness.

This is the newest addition to my practice. I used to hold heat and cold exposure to different timings because I believed it maximized my serotonin and oxytocin uptake by focusing solely on cold exposure. However, I have found the introduction of this practice very useful in recovery and a good reminder to keep up to date with new developments in these spaces.

Optimal Exposure

It is important to emphasize that no strict "one-size-fits-all" duration for cold exposure applies universally. It is beneficial to start with shorter durations and slightly less intense temperatures and gradually increase the time spent in cold exposure as you become more accustomed to the stress.

1. Time

Generally, for ice baths, a good place to target is 1-3 minutes per session to start. This gives time to trigger the physiological and neurotransmitter responses, eliciting the key benefits without putting your body into immense shock. The literature suggests 11 minutes per week is optimal on average, which I target for my practice. Still, as the body acclimates over time, this can be increased in a safe and intentional manner.

It is important to listen to your body and adjust based on personal comfort and safety, as going too long in extremely cold temperatures can be counterproductive or even dangerous. The key is consistency and gradual progression to avoid that shock and maximize benefits.

2. Temperature

It often surprises people that I discuss cold exposure with that a cold plunge can be effective even at temperatures as high as 10°C to 15°C (50°F to 59°F). This range is cold enough to trigger the physiological responses we’ve been discussing without being so extreme as to pose a risk of hypothermia for most people when used for typical durations.

I personally do my cold plunges between 6 °C and 10 °C, as that is what you will usually find in standard cold plunge fitness studios, and because my body has started to develop a tolerance over the years.

Ultimately, the best temperature for your cold plunge will depend on your specific goals, how your body reacts to the cold and your experience level with cold exposure. Starting at milder temperatures and working your way colder can be a good strategy to build tolerance and gain the maximum benefits safely.

Conclusion

As we've explored the many impacts of deliberate cold exposure, it's clear that this ancient practice, now revived through scientific validation, offers more than just a momentary cooling refreshment. The benefits range from enhanced mood and cognitive function to improved muscle recovery and immune response. By integrating practices such as ice baths into our routines, we're not just engaging in a passing wellness trend but tapping into a deep-seated tradition that stimulates the body and sharpens the mind. The journey through history from the Vikings to modern neuroscientific discoveries by researchers like Andrew Huberman affirms its place in a holistic approach to health.

Embracing the cold requires more than tolerance; it demands an intentional approach to pushing our limits and exploring our body's potential. Whether you're seeking to boost your immune system, enhance recovery from intense physical activity, or foster mental resilience, the practice of cold plunging is a great testament to the power of environmental stress as a catalyst for positive change with intention. As we continue to learn from both historical wisdom and new science, it becomes increasingly apparent that sometimes, stepping out of our comfort zone and into the cold can lead to transformative health benefits, making us stronger, healthier, and more intentional with our body's innate capabilities.

Thank you for joining me for this week’s exploration!

With intention,

Brian

Sources and Helpful links:

[1] Vikings Bathing & Grooming Habits: https://ucatholic.com/blog/why-medieval-catholic-monks-grumbled-over-vikings-unexpected-cleanliness/

[2] Acienct Aire Baths: https://beaire.com/index.php?q=en

[3] CT Scans & Brain Imaging: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8555965/

[4] Stress response: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10751106/

[5] Huberman Podcast: link here

[6] American Physiological Society Journal: chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://journals.physiology.org/doi/pdf/10.1152/jappl.1999.87.2.699#:~:text=Subsequent%20cold%20exposure%20induced%20a,%2D%20locyte%2C%20and%20monocyte%20response.

Weekly exploration of ideas and tools to live with intention, creating a more fulfilling and happier life.

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Aristotle’s quote, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it,” highlights what it means to think critically. It's about being able to consider different ideas and viewpoints without immediately taking them as your own. This shows a level of intellectual maturity and openness, where understanding and exploring ideas is more important than just agreeing or disagreeing with them right off the bat.

The quote points to the value of not rushing to judgment. When you entertain a thought, you’re essentially taking it for a test drive – examining its truth, thinking about its consequences, and understanding it in its wider context, all without committing to it. This kind of thoughtful consideration requires a more sophisticated level of thinking, where questioning and analysis take precedence over simple acceptance.

Aristotle’s idea is incredibly relevant today because it ties into metacognition. It is said that we have an average of 60,000 thoughts a day, and our brains process more and more external stimuli daily as our world grows increasingly complex.

Over the past few weeks, I have been struck by the amount of new information and ideas that people process. From politics and taxes to diets and exercise, I was interested in how the people I talked to determined what they believed to be true.

So today, I want to explore metacognition and metacognitive frameworks.

Metacognition, or thinking about your own thinking, involves actively managing and regulating your thought processes. It's about being aware of how you learn and make decisions and tweaking those processes as needed. This self-aware approach helps us handle the complex flow of information in modern life, making it easier to sort through various perspectives and critically assess info before we decide to believe it. In this way, metacognition empowers us to engage with ideas deeply, much like Aristotle suggests, fostering a broader understanding before we choose to accept any thought as true.

Today’s Flow

1. History of Metacogition

2. Practical Approaches and Metacognitive Tools

   1. Self Explanation

   2. Emotional Awareness

   3. Monitoring Progress

   4. Teaching Others

3. Conclusion

Let’s explore.

The History of Metacognition

The concept of metacognition has roots that stretch back to ancient philosophies, with early mentions found in the works of philosophers like Aristotle. However, it wasn’t formally defined in psychological terms until the late 20th century. The term "metacognition" was coined by developmental psychologist John H. Flavell in 1976. Flavell described metacognition as "knowledge concerning one's own cognitive processes and products or anything related to them," [1] which includes knowledge about when and how to use particular strategies for learning or problem-solving. His work initiated a wave of research and interest in how self-awareness of one’s cognitive processes is crucial for effective learning and intelligent behavior.

As the study of metacognition evolved, researchers began to outline more areas and components, such as metacognitive knowledge (awareness of one’s cognitive processes and how the brain works), metacognitive regulation (the ability to oversee, regulate, and direct learning), and metacognitive experiences (reflection and how one feels about the cognitive tasks they engage in).

The 1980s and 1990s saw a big increase in interest in how metacognitive abilities affect learning across diverse fields, from education to psychology to newer concepts like artificial intelligence. This era led to the development of numerous educational strategies or tools aimed at enhancing metacognitive skills among students (which we will get into shortly), recognizing that these skills significantly improve academic performance.

There are many leading researchers and scientists in the field of Metacognition, but I want to highlight a few key leaders below. Each of these scientists has made significant contributions to understanding and developing metacognitive theories, which my summaries will not do justice to, but I hope I can still give you a directional understanding if you want to learn more. :)

1. John H. Flavell - Often regarded as the pioneer in the field, Flavell was the first to formally introduce the term "metacognition" in the 1970s. His work laid the foundational concepts of metacognitive knowledge and metacognitive regulation, which have shaped much of the subsequent research in the field. [2]

2. Ann Brown - Brown was influential in applying metacognitive theory to educational settings, particularly through her research on "reciprocal teaching," a technique that enhances students' understanding by having them teach each other. She also studied the role of metacognition in problem-solving and its development in children. [3]

3. David W. Schunn - A cognitive psychologist who has extensively researched the role of metacognition in writing, science, and engineering. His work emphasizes the importance of metacognitive skills in complex cognitive tasks and creative processes. [4]

4. Jennifer A. Livingston - Known for her work in metacognitive knowledge and regulation, Livingston has contributed to the understanding of how metacognitive skills can be effectively taught and assessed, particularly in educational contexts. [5]

5. Marsha C. Lovett - Lovett's research focuses on metacognition in higher education, especially in science and mathematics. She has explored how teaching students to be metacognitively aware can improve their learning and problem-solving abilities. [6]

These researchers have all contributed to the broader understanding of metacognition, emphasizing its importance in cognitive development, educational achievement, and efficient learning strategies. They are often referenced in modern studies due to the frameworks they established for others to build on.

What is exciting today is that metacognition is still a vital area of study in cognitive psychology. It is influencing teaching methods and learning approaches worldwide and providing insight into how we can all become more effective learners by understanding and adjusting our own cognitive processes.

Practical Approaches and Metacognitive Tools

We’ve come a long way in understanding metacognition since Flavell first coined the term back in the 1970s. Now, since we have explored the foundation of metacognition, it's time we explore how it's turned into practical tools we can all use. There are four main starting points that I want to explore—self-explanation, emotional awareness, monitoring progress, and teaching others. These are practical ways to engage with these theories and reap the benefits of being more aware of our thoughts.

Let’s take a look at how each of these can help us learn better and tackle challenges more effectively.

Self-Explanation

Self-explanation is a powerful metacognitive strategy where you explain to yourself what you’ve learned or are trying to understand. It’s like being your own teacher. When practicing self-explanation, you go through the material and then pause to articulate, either out loud or in writing, what it means and how it connects to what you already know. This process helps clarify your thoughts, reinforces learning, and can uncover any gaps in your understanding. For someone new to this practice, start with a topic you've recently read about or a problem you’ve solved, and try to explain it as if you are teaching it to someone else who isn’t familiar with the topic.

I have found this practice particularly useful when I am listening to podcasts. There is a ton of expert content squeezed into 1-3 hour episodes from some of our favorite thought leaders. Although I would love to put all the recommendations in place, I know that is unrealistic. Instead, when something stands out to me as in the top 10th percentile of recommendations, I will often pause and write down quotes from these sections and relisten to the section 2-3 times. This helps me set a base understanding, then I follow it with an attempt to explain to myself what I just learned.

A recent example of this was a discussion I was listening to about cold exposure therapy (which I am a huge fan of) and the different strategies and techniques for making it effective for your desired outcome. I have always let my body heat up naturally after ice baths, as I know that amplifies the production of oxytocin and serotonin, which stimulates mood regulation. However, in this discussion, the host was talking about how going into a sauna afterward is beneficial for dilation in the blood vessels, which aids in getting nutrients and oxygen to your muscles for recovery and the removal of waste products like lactic acid.

I listened to this podcast section three times and explained the science to myself. It took me a few tries to solidify how the process worked and what temperatures and timing were optimal, but eventually, I got it. I have now taken it as an additional way to engage with something that is part of my regular routine if needed. Had I not taken the moment to pause and engage with the material and ensure I could explain it to myself, it would likely have gone in one ear and out the other.

Emotional Awareness

Emotional awareness in the context of metacognition involves recognizing and understanding your emotional responses in relation to your learning or problem-solving processes. It’s about noticing how you feel when you encounter challenges or make progress, and considering how these emotions affect your thinking. For beginners, a good way to practice this is to pause during a learning session and reflect on your current emotional state. Ask yourself questions like: How do I feel about the material I’m learning? Am I frustrated, confused, excited? Acknowledging these emotions can help you manage them more effectively and see how they influence your ability to absorb and process information.

Last week, I was in back-to-back meetings, and my mood started to take a toll. I was getting hungry and tired and realized I had started to become irritable. I took a moment to reflect on this, even though I had an additional hour left of meetings before I would have a moment to eat and get up for a walk.

I joined my next call, and it started with a minor issue that would ultimately need my time to resolve. Internally, I was getting frustrated about what I thought was a clear answer to the problem of my co-worker, but I could tell that my own emotions were affecting my judgment. Rather than immediately reacting to the situation with the heightened emotion that I had identified before the call, I asked if we could set up 30 minutes the following day to do a deep dive and not further discuss it at that moment.

The next day, I ensured that I had the mental capacity to deal with the issue ahead of time and that I was not letting my clouded emotions affect my ability to work with an employee and any potential coaching that could come from it. The solution was resolved in 15 minutes instead of 30, and I felt better after not letting myself get too worked up the day before.

Monitoring Progress

Monitoring progress is a key metacognitive practice where you regularly check how well you are doing towards achieving your learning goals. This involves setting specific objectives at the start and then assessing your performance as you progress. To start monitoring your progress, you can keep a simple journal or checklist of your study sessions or project milestones. After each session or at the end of the day, write down what you accomplished and compare it to what you planned. Reflect on any difficulties you encountered and consider what adjustments might be needed to improve your learning efficiency or problem-solving strategies.

I use this strategy every week while writing “With Intention.” When I first started, writing the first post took me nearly 12 hours. My goal is to be able to do my research and articulate myself in 5 hours per topic. This takes adjustments of approach, understanding, and deliverables to achieve that outcome. After 2.5 months, I find myself consolidating my thoughts, setting the framework, and creating an exploration in 6 to 8 hours. To me, this is progress. I understand how to frame a discussion, convey my point, and be more articulate than I was before.

This also goes along with creating the brand of “With Intention”. I have refined how I approach topics of exploration, handle all the feedback I get, and ensure I am thinking about my long-term goals when it comes to this. I enjoy having this space outside of my day-to-day working life as it means I can set my own goals at my own pace to ensure I am using this time and learning in a way that works best for me. Tracking my progress with this space has also allowed me to transfer my frameworks for success into other spaces such as work as well.

Teaching Others

Teaching others is a metacognitive strategy that involves explaining concepts or information you have learned to someone else. This practice can significantly deepen your own understanding and reveal any areas where your knowledge might be lacking. If you’re new to this, look for opportunities to explain a recent topic you’ve studied to a friend, family member, or even just to yourself in the mirror. Try to make your explanation clear and simple, which will help you organize your thoughts and solidify your grasp of the subject. Teaching is not just about transferring knowledge; it's a dynamic way to engage with content and reinforce your own learning.

Today, try explaining metacognition to someone around you.

What have you learned? Can you articulate one theory and one practice? What are spaces still a little fuzzy? You can always return to this article, practice the information, and go back to articulating the concept to a new person to help solidify your understanding.

Conclusion

It’s about being more aware of how we learn, make decisions, and even how we react to new information. This self-awareness is super useful because it helps us sort through the daily barrage of ever-increasing information and ideas we face day-to-day.

Self-explanation involves teaching yourself by summarizing what you’ve learned in your own words. Emotional awareness is recognizing how your feelings affect your thinking, especially when you’re stressed or learning something new. Monitoring progress involves setting personal benchmarks and regularly checking how you’re doing against them. Lastly, teaching others is a powerful way to solidify your own understanding and uncover areas where you might need more clarity. Together, these tools not only enhance our learning capabilities but also help us lead more intentional and reflective lives.

Thank you for joining me for this week’s exploration on metacognition. I look learning with you next week.

With intention,

Brian

Sources

[1] https://my.chartered.college/impact_article/using-evidence-based-practices-that-support-metacognition/

[2] https://www.amacad.org/person/john-hurley-flavell

[3] http://texts.cdlib.org/view?docId=hb1r29n709;NAAN=13030&doc.view=frames&chunk.id=div00007&toc.depth=1&toc.id=&brand=oac4

[4] https://www.cmu.edu/dietrich/psychology/directory/emeritus/klahr-david.html

[5] https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED474273

[6] https://serc.carleton.edu/NAGTWorkshops/metacognition/teaching_metacognition.html

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Back in February, Victoria Monet accepted the Grammy for Best New Artist. News outlets, podcast hosts, and several of my close friends raved to me about her 15-year story that led to that moment, and her speech that left such a lasting impression. As someone who had never seen the Grammys, I was shocked at how much I had heard about Victoria Monet’s award in the following weeks.

I decided to dig a little deeper after hearing one of my favorite podcast hosts, Mel Robbins, talk about why this moment resonated with her daughter and why she loved the plant analogy so much. After listening to Monet’s words, it was clear to me that her story symbolizes hard work and dedication. She had big dreams and then set goals and pathways to get there.

That is what I want to explore today.

This week, I also saw a great meme that said, “27 Fridays until Halloween,” which not only got me very excited, but also reminded me that we have only half a year until Halloween will be at our doorstep again.

So, I decided to look up when the best time to plant a pumpkin seed is to get a full pumpkin to carve by Halloween. I discovered that it is May, and with the intention to publish this on May 2nd, it seemed too perfect of an analogy not to expand upon in today’s goal-setting exploration of With Intention.

Today, we will dissect Victoria Monet’s Analogy, dig deep into what we want out of life, and set goals, approaches, and frameworks to get there with intention.

Today’s flow:

1. Planting Seeds - The Idea

2. Water the Pumpkins - Our Environment

3. Roots - Hard Work

4. Sprouting - Results & Traction

5. Pollination - Catalyzers

6. Pumpkin - Goals & Opportunities

7. Conclusion

Now, let’s jump in.

Planting the Seed - The Idea

Let’s revisit Monet’s quote.

“This award was a 15-year pursuit,”

“I moved to LA in 2009 and I like to liken myself to a plant, who was planted…”

Let’s start with an exercise;

What is your Grammy moment?

If you were to picture yourself in 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, 10 years: where do you picture yourself when you think of waking up in the dream version of your life? Are you waking up in a beautiful apartment in New York City? Are you going public on the NASDAQ with the dream company you have worked so hard to build? Are you waking up a peaceful life in the countryside next to your partner and two beautiful children? Or maybe you want to travel the world - is your moment traveling to your 100th country? Is your dream to become an influencer, and you wake up with 10 million followers who support you daily?

If you can’t picture your biggest dream - maybe you need to start smaller and from a slightly more short-term, tangible perspective. You want to get back into regularly going to the gym, get 10,000 steps a day, or take 30 minutes a day to sit outside in the park and re-engage with your drawing and artistic side.

The fact is that we all have a dream, no matter how big or small it seems to us. Whether it is close or far away - we all have an idea that resonates deeply with us when we picture our most fulfilled self.

The whole point of this is to have an idea that can help you put yourself in a position to start growing. The beautiful thing about life is that we can change and grow with these goals. As we learn more about ourselves and the world around us, these goals will grow with us. But, what is really important, is the fact that we have something that motivates us everyday to show up and become better versions of ourselves.

That is your seed.

I can share mine - when I look 10 years down the road, I see myself waking up in a country home with an amazing, supportive husband and two children. We spend our time between New York City and the countryside to access the city's thought leaders and energy but also to ensure we are taking time for ourselves outside the city to be still and grounded in our development and parenting. I picture myself having a fulfilling career in Venture Capital, running a $50 million dollar biotech, longevity, and human performance fund, while continuing my work on “With Intention” to make wellness, neuroscience, and self-development accessible to anyone who is looking to become a better version of themselves.

This vision has been a work in progress for years, and the real version in my notes app on my iPhone is probably between 1,500 and 2,000 words long.

Now it is your turn. What is something really big that you would love to see yourself accomplish?

Stop here and take a moment. Write it down. Think it through.

Now, we are returning to our metaphor for our pumpkin seed.

The beautiful thing about a seed is that it already has everything it needs to become the full pumpkin inside it from the moment it is planted. That is why taking a moment to acknowledge the dream within you is important. Because that is all that is required - this dream is the beginning of something extraordinary, and you already have that within you.

Anytime you start to hesitate about your idea or think it is impossible, remind yourself of this: You have everything within you to accomplish that dream; otherwise, that idea would not have been planted inside you in the first place.

Water the Pumpkins - Our Environment

Back to Monet:

“This award was a 15-year pursuit,”

“I moved to LA in 2009 and I like to liken myself to a plant, who was planted, and you can look at the music industry as soil. It can be looked at as dirty or it can be looked at as a source of nutrients and water.”

I love the way Monet discusses the two sides of viewing her environment. It is so easy to think about all the ways existing structures can be viewed as “dirty” or “working against you,” or you can approach it with the mindset of “How is this helping me?” She sees the nutrients and water of this industry and the way it has helped her grow.

It is important to ensure you are in an environment that works for you. If we tried to plant a pumpkin seed in a glacier in Antarctica, it would not grow. In the same way that if you were stuck in an ice block, you would also not grow.

This begs the question: Is your seed in the environment to grow?

Creating the right environment for your goals and dreams is critical for their success.

In my own experience, I have worked in theme parks, fashion, and food and have only just landed in the world of Venture Capital in the last three years. Although I think each of the environments I was in prior has definitely helped me cultivate my dreams, it has never been clearer to me that the environment that I am in today is the one that will grow and nurture the acutalization of my seed most comprehensively.

If I want to start developing skills that would allow me to run a $50 million dollar fund in 5 years, I need to break that down into steps I can take today. When I think of the next 6 months, I want to get more exposure to companies that intrigue me on the intersection of biotechnology, neuroscience, and longevity. I aim to dig deep in the diligence and deal rooms of 5 companies and understand them through and through.

I will ask myself: Do I think they are a good value proposition or not? Would I invest in these companies or not? Is this team best suited for the success of this specific venture? For me to develop the skills of critical evaluation, problem-solving, and market analysis, I need to be in a space that allows me to do so.

I can confidently say that my environment is extremely conducive for me learning these traits, but if it weren’t, I would need to seek out how I could get access to this space and information externally. If venture capital wasn’t my full time job, I would likely look to join an investing group, find a non-profit focused on growing young entrepreneurs and investors, or start attending events where experienced investors and founders are.

There are many “first steps” that someone can take—and the great thing about having many routes is that if your chosen first step doesn’t pan out the way you expected, you can always pivot and try another “first step.”

So, think of your environment. Do you know what that first step is?

If you want to be an influencer - Are you in a space where you can make 10 pieces of content a month for the next 6 months? If you want to travel to 100 countries - does your environment allow you to take the time to plan 2-3 trips to see the world? If you want to find the partner of your dreams - can you go on 1 date a month or spend time consistently with someone who you think has the real potential to be that partner for you? If you want to move from marketing to finance - have you had the conversation with your boss about switching departments? If you want to better your long-term marriage, have you had the difficult conversation with a partner about why you don’t feel seen in your relationship right now?

You can think about doing these things, or you can actually take the first step and plant your seed in the environment that will help you actualize where you want to see yourself in the coming six months. If you want to ensure you get that pumpkin by October, plant the seed in an environment that will help it grow today.

Roots - Hard Work

“This award was a 15-year pursuit,”

“I moved to LA in 2009 and I like to liken myself to a plant, who was planted, and you can look at the music industry as soil. It can be looked at as dirty or it can be looked at as a source of nutrients and water. My roots have been growing underneath ground, unseen for so long.”

You have now identified that seed, planted it in an proper environment, watered that seed, and you are seeing the roots start to take hold. You got yourself out of the ice block and you have put yourself into a beautiful place to grow.

Although this starts to feel really good, the results aren’t fully where you want them to be yet. This is OK. Good things take time. We do not plant a pumpkin seed on a Monday and expect to carve it on Saturday.

Victoria Monet spent 15 years writing songs for other artists. She put in hard work into her craft and supported other artists to gather that knowledge, experience, and training.

Now let’s look back to you. Maybe you are in week one of learning to play the piano. Maybe you have started to take that 20 minutes walk after breakfast every morning to get your body moving. Maybe you have just started writing the table of contents for that book you’ve always dreamt of writing. Maybe you have taken the first interview to start working in the industry of your dreams. What is important is that you are starting to develop the habits needed to sustain growth, identifying areas to continue to develop, and building opportunities that allow you to take another step forward. You have set yourself up to start taking the action needed to build the roots that will eventually support the life of your dreams.

My roots for With Intention started to take hold when I decided to write out my ideas on all of the content I had been consuming for years around wellness, neuroscience, and self-development. I had never written anything before, so this was all new to me. I had not shared anything yet, but a profound mindset shift started to occur—I was able to start asking myself “Do I really understand these concepts in ways that I can effectively apply them to my life?”

I realized very quick that I had been consuming so much of this information, but really only taking action on maybe 10% of what I was learning.

If I wanted to share these ideas and start adding value to the life of the people around me, I knew I needed to dig deep and understand the topics and content I had been consuming. I started to write down my thought as I was listening to podcasts, I began reading with a pen in my hand so I could annotate the parts of books that I found particular compelling, and I started question more and ensure these concepts were taking root in my brain.

I sometimes doubted myself and questioned - am I even qualified to share my thoughts on this stuff? Would anyone want to hear what I have taken from this space? But I had to remind myself everyday - if no one found value in the information I share, at least I am learning it in a dilligent way to become a better version of myself, and every person that does benefit from me sharing my thoughts is an added bonus. In the same regard, if you ever doubt yourself, just remind yourself - you would not have been given that dream if you were not supposed to make it come true.

Roots are important as they are the base foundation for everything else to grow. It takes a rootbase that is 3 feet deep and 6 feet across all for a single pumpkin grow.

It took Victoria Monet 15 years to get on that stage - how long have you been at your goal? Every single day you stick to your personal development, those roots expand, so continue those good habits, get those reps in to gain skills, and keep focused on the hard work that is setting you up for success. It is from those roots that you will start to sprout for you to continue to grow.

Sprouting - Results & Traction

“This award was a 15-year pursuit,”

“I moved to LA in 2009 and I like to liken myself to a plant, who was planted, and you can look at the music industry as soil. It can be looked at as dirty or it can be looked at as a source of nutrients and water. My roots have been growing underneath ground, unseen for so long. I feel like today, I’m sprouting, finally above ground.”

In Monet’s final portion portion of her analogy - she is finally above ground and sprouting. She is feeling seen for the first time in her career for her work.

I love that she is only saying that she sprouted—I would have expected someone in this position to be the full pumpkin, but once she got here, she realized just how much more she has in here. There is no doubt in my mind that with her seed, her environment, and the strong root system that she has developed, that we are going to be seeing so much more of her.

The same goes for you. One you set this base foundation, develop areas of opportunity and growth, then start putting the game plan in action, you are going to see just how much you are capable of. The goals you once thought were your ultimate desire will seem like just a stepping stone to achieving even bigger things down the road.

Sprouting will show you that you are just getting started. You can think bigger, achieve more, and surround yourself with good energy set goals and achieve your dreams.

Pollination - Catalyzers

Although Monet never directly addresses the pollination part of the analogy in her speech, when watching the clip, it was impossible for me to miss how much she keeps turning to her support system behind her and thanking them.

“I would like to thank my team of visionaires. Rochelle, thank you so much.”

“I just want to tell a small story… There was a binder that I made to take this really important meeting at a label. And I thought I was going to be signed. I was an independent artist with no team, and I just thought that maybe my music would stand for itself, but that binder left collecting dust in that office at that label. And Rochelle found that binder and she decided to take a chance and leave that label and be my manager, so thank you.”

I see Rochelle and Monet’s team as her pollinators. They saw her dream and took action to support it. They saw her potential and said, “I can help her achieve that.”

Now thank back to your Grammy moment. Do you have pollinators for that dream or bigger dreams in your life?

When you think about the skills you need to harness to achieve those big dreams, do you have the right people or influences in your life to help challenge you to grow and achieve that? Do you consume content that helps you learn about your industry or skills on a consistent basis? Or do you need to seek out additional mentors, thought leaders, and support systems that can get you there?

One thing I really like about about the concept of pollinators is that it doesn’t just have to be a 1:1 mentor mentee relationship that we are all used to. You can create a whole “pollination stack” that helps you learn, balance, and grow as you pursue your dreams.

This year I started writing these explorations on "With Intention” (formerly Connective Threads), and one of the biggest reasons was feeling inspired by people who I admire in the health and self-developments spaces. If I take a step back right now, for my With Intention work, my biggest pollinators are Jay Shetty, Andrew Huberman, Mel Robbins, Mo Gawdat, Chris Williamson, and Deepak Chopra. I have only met 2 of these people in person, but each of them has made such an impact on the way that I have developed my understanding and passion behind not only health and self-development, but also on conveying my personal ideas. I had never written my own thought pieces or produced content in these spaces, but after feeling like these people had made such an impact on my life, I looked to them for how I could share my learnings and ideas with my peers.

Let’s take a moment for a small writing exercise: Who are you pollinators?

Take a second and write them down. Better yet, start a notes app in your phone so you always have this information with you and can update it as you engage with new people that inspire you to achieve your dreams.

This list should be an evolving list as you continue to meet people and grow in your life. Pollinators play a very important role in the way that we grow and develop as they provide us with new information, new opportunities, and also guidance and experiences, as they have often seen and conquered challenges that we have never had to endure yet.

Pumpkins - Actualized Goals

You are finally seeing the fruits of your labor: You got clear on your goal, you planted that seed in the proper environment, you watered and nurtured it, saw the sprouts, and found those pollinators. Now the pumpkin has come to fruition.

You are finally achieving those goals whether it be making it to the gym 5 days a week, playing your first song on the piano, or maybe you’ve created the business of your dreams. Each of these are all now examples to yourself and others of how prosperous you can be when you set your intention and do the hard work to accomplish those dreams.

The next step is what do you do with that pumpkin. You have cultivated so many skill in the development process from time management, nurturing, skill-development, and you now feel capable of achieving more. Maybe you make a pumpkin pie, maybe you carve the pumpkin, maybe you take those seed and plant a whole pumpkin patch.

That is the same analogy for your dreams. If you finally started that dream business, what else can you do now? Maybe you pick up a new hobby, mentor another person aiming to become a founder, find a way to give back to your local community, or even start another business. With every goal we can accomplish for ourselves, we are able to set the bar higher and push ourselves to build a continuoulsy developing beautiful and fulfilling life that we may not even be able to think about yet.

Conclusion

It may have taken Victoria Monet 15 years to achieve her Grammy moment, but that doesn’t mean it takes that long for everyone. In order to get a pumpkin, you only need 6 months from the time you plant the seed, in order to get back into shape maybe you only need 1 year, if you are writing for first book, maybe you can do it in 3 years. Your goals and dreams will cary in size, but what is important is knowing that seed, fostering an environment for growth, and sticking to it until you achieve everything you set your mind to.

As we look to the next 6 months, take a moment to get clear on what you want out of life and what you want to achieve by October. Take inventory of your life - are you in the right environment, do you have the right nutrients, do you have the right pollinators around you? Once we start to move with intention towards these goals, you will begin to sprout. They will they will feel tangible, become achievable, and you will see just how much more you are also capable of.

I look forward to checking back in with each of you in October to hear how those seeds have grown.

Thank you for joining me on this week’s exploration.

With intention,

Brian

I started publishing Connective Threads two months ago with the idea of connecting the different threads of insights that I have learned through science, venture capital, and philosophy to live a more meaningful and happier life. These two months have been very informative to me as a new writer, researcher, and learner. I am so deeply grateful for the 80+ subscribers who have given me great feedback on their takeaways and insights on starting this journey.

While I still plan to stay true to this approach in my writing, Connective Threads seemed like a passive title, simply drawing connections to the theories and insights I am digging deeper into. My goal in changing the name to “With Intention” is to create a more active space to inspire and remind myself and the readers to take these explorations and put them into practice with intention.

Learning with intention

Healing with intention

Loving with inention

Movng with intention

Training with intention

Breathing with intention

Recovering with intention

Thinking with intention

Attracting with intention

Leading with intention

Growing with intention

Showing up with intention

Being yourself with intention

As we step into "With Intention," I want to invite you to join me in this exciting new chapter. Let this be a space where we not only explore ideas but also cultivate a mindset of purposeful learning and deliberate action. Every article and insight shared here helps us live, learn, and engage more intentionally. Together, let's make each moment count, fostering a community that's not just informed but also inspired to make meaningful changes, both big and small, in our lives and the world around us.

I am grateful for you being on this journey with me.

With intention,

Brian

Connective Threads is a weekly exploration of science, technology, and philosophy threading together actionable insights on health, happiness, and human connection for a more intentional and fulfilling life.

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In his deeply impactful book "Man's Search for Meaning," Viktor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist, takes us through the grim reality of his experience in Nazi concentration camps and into a deep exploration of the human spirit’s quest for purpose. Frankl believes that the primary drive in human beings is not pleasure (as Freud suggested) or power (as Adler suggested) but rather a search for our "meaning."

According to Frankl, life has meaning under all circumstances, even the most miserable ones. Through his own tough experiences and those of others around him, Frankl shows us how finding a sense of purpose amidst suffering significantly boosted one's chances of survival. His story powerfully affirms that the human spirit is incredibly resilient, managing to endure almost anything once it finds a reason to keep going.

Reflecting on Frankl’s ideas really made me think about the moments and choices in my life that have defined my sense of purpose. Reading this book didn’t just feel like learning about survival in extreme conditions; it felt like looking into a mirror that highlighted the times in my own life when I dealt with hardship and how powerful those times were in developing my purpose and how I approached the subsequent decisions in my life.

In today’s exploration, I’ll share the top five lessons from Frankl’s teachings that have influenced my perspective, and I plan to carry forward with my approach to life. These insights offer not just a framework for building a life with purpose but also a guide for handling tough times with courage and insight.

Today’s Journey

1. The discovery of my ‘purpose’

2. Top 5 Takeaways from “Man’s Search for Meaning”

   1. The meaning of life & chess masters

   2. You choose how you show up

   3. Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue

   4. Live for the second time

   5. He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how

3. Conclusion

Let’s jump in.

1. The discovery of my ‘purpose’

In the first several explorations in Connective Threads, I mentioned that my purpose in life is to “Be the person you needed when you were younger,” a quote that I randomly discovered on Pinterest at the age of 20. However, I have never dug into the 2 key scenarios in my life to which I owe the deep resonance.

To me, “Be the person you needed when you were younger” has two key components: 1. Be the most authentic version of yourself, and 2. Make good choices you would want to model for the younger version of you.

The first scenario to follow was the catalyst for me coming out of the closet when I was 19.

It was my first ever ‘business trip’ with the University of Wisconsin-Madison to Magic Fashion Week conference in Las Vegas. I was enthusiastic about the opportunity to travel in a professional capacity and to expand my knowledge on retail and the business of fashion with several professors and a few other students.

I recall being in sensory overload and surrounded by industry professionals in a city that felt so unapologetically itself to me. It was inspiring and intimidating all at the same time.

On the second day of the conference, I took the time to attend a few panels about consumer insights, forecasting, and data analytics throughout the morning sessions. After lunch, most of the students and staff had returned to their hotel rooms for a break, but I decided to catch one last panel on trend forecasting by demographics.

I walked into the conference hall and sat down and looked up at the panel which was a female moderator and 3 male panelists. They went down the line and all did introductions, and as I listened closely, the woman referenced her wife followed by each of the men referencing their boyfriends or husbands. I realized it was the first time in my life that I was listening to a panel entirely lead by open LGBTQIA+ people who looked and sounded like me.

Having come from Wisconsin, I did not have much visibility to people that were LGBTQIA+. I had one key mentor that my mother had introduced me to at a young age who was instrumental in my growth, but there was only one openly LGBTQIA+ person in my high school who I saw as almost the polar opposite of me.

Having not had much visibility of the community while I was growing up, this was the first time that I had felt like my identity would actually be fully accepted and supported in a room full of people with similar goals and dreams as me.

While still sitting and listening to the panel, I recall texting my bestfriends Ellen and Anna and coming out of the closet for the first time to anyone.

I often look back at this moment and think about how powerful it was for me, but also how none of the people on that stage knew they had such an impact on me. They chose to get up there and talk about their husbands and wifes in a room full of industry professionals and did so as the most authentic versions of themselves.

This moment was a catalyst for the rest of my life, and to me highlights the power of visibility and authenticity.

The second scenario is less happy, but still an extremely important moment in my life.

The first openly LGBTQIA+ role model in my life was a really great gentleman that my mother had introduced me to at a young age. He was such an amazing guy and such a catalyst to my growth and acceptance of my own LGBTQIA+ identity. He was the first person who I had met who was a business professional, married to man, unapologetically himself, and extremely kind and thoughtful. He worked for several fortune 500 comanies, sat on the board of directors for several charities focused the wellfare of children, and spent a lot of his time thinking about how to add value to the world around him.

For the sake of anonymity, as this story is not great, I will refer to him as (A).

I had first meet (A) when I was 15 years old. My mother knew I was gay by the age of 2 (A big thank you to her psychic) and wanted to surround me with incredible people who would showcase the love and acceptance that would help me step into that identity, and (A) was one of the best.

(A) helped me get jobs, discussed my own career goals, and navigating life as an LGBTQIA+ person. We would often meet up if we ever overlapped in cities for lunch or dinner as he was always looking out for me. He was a key part of my life for 9 full years and I will always be grateful for that.

In 2020, I received a call from (A)’s husband telling me that he had been rushed to the hosiptal in New York City (where I was living at the time), and asked if I would go check in on him. (A)’s husband had english as a second language so he could not articulate the exact scenario very well, so I immediately headed to the hospital to check in on him.

Whe I arrived he was in the critical care until, and the doctors immedately swarmed me as I said who I was there to see. They had struggled communicating the severity of the situation to (A)’s husband over the phone due to the language barrier, so they had a lot to tell me.

(A) had been found in a hotel in NYC after having experienced a drug overdose. They managed to get his heart beating again after resuscitating him, but it had failed twice in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. He was in extreme condition, his husband was 3 hours aways, and I was standing there as a 24 year old having no clue what to do next.

I got on the phone with his husband and explained what happened. I proceeded to ahve the doctors explain to him that (A) had just overdose on crystal meth, they didn’t think he was going to make it through the night, and that he needed to find a way to get to New York as fast as possible.

I spent the next 4 hours sitting by the bedside of my biggest mentor in life, who had a ventilator down his throat, his brain was swelling, and doctors continuously walked into the room with fear in their eyes.

I recall thinking to myself how I could not believe how the person who I looked up to so much found themselves in such a situation. How I felt like I knew everything about (A), but there was clearly another side to his life that I had no idea about.

At about 2:00 am, (A)’s husband arrived at the hospital, and I let them have their time together and went back to my apartment. I decided to walk the 50 blocks home because of how overwhelmed I was and I also couldn’t stop crying.

(A) passed away next to his husband at 3:17 am that night.

He will always be someone who I hold in such high regard. His journey through the LGBTQIA+ community was very different than mine which is always something I have to remind myself. His generation experienced so much more stress, broader societal rejection, and daily uphill battles to just be accepted.

He walked so I could run.

I learned so much from (A), and this is a reason that I think this moment plays such an important role in my purpose for life. He was someone that I truly aspired to be like, but I did not know the whole story.

When thinking of “Being the person I needed when I was younger” and taking his legacy forward, I want to show up in the same authentic way as (A) and pursue my passions, give back to the community around me, and make young LGBTIQA+ people feel safe and seen when coming out. But, I also need to be able to take my learnings from this scenario and apply them. To be the person I needed when I was younger, I need to make choices even outside of the visible scene to ensure that I can set the example I want to for younger people. This is the reason that I do not drink, I do not do drugs, I am focused on my health and well being, I advocate for stress management, and I find ways (like Connective Threads) to share my insights on these practices and get better every day.

I will always hold (A) in the highest regard and give him the utmost credit for helping me be the person that I am today.

“Be the person you needed when you were younger” will guide my decisions every day to ensure I show up as the most authentic version of myself and make choices that the younger version of me would need to see in order to believe he could lead a healthy, happy, and fulfilled life.

This purpose is uniquely personal to me, and for good reason. For people to find their purpose in life, it is important to look at the most transformative or important moments when you reflect on your lived experiences. The specific moments that stick with you over time are engrained in your neural pathways as your brain’s way of saying, “This is important, and we need to remember this.” Taking those moments and unpacking them can be a great starting point for you to step into your purpose and meaning in life.

2. Top 5 Takeaways from “Man’s Search for Meaning”

“Man’s Search for Meaning” was recommended to me by someone whom I had met for the first time recently. It was over dinner, and we had progressed from me asking if I was pronouncing his name right all the way to the meaning of life, in which case he recommended this book to me as he said it was one of the most transformative books he has ever read. It is not often that an initial conversation with someone progresses this deep so quickly. I could tell it was the universe signaling that something was aligning and that I should explore it more, so I quickly got to reading the book.

I won’t lie, I struggled through Part 1 of the book. It took me nearly 3 weeks (it’s only ~100 pages) as it outlines a lot of detail in concentration camps that is horrific. Still, it is extremely important to understand the magnitude of the situation before Frankl dives into the psychiatric principles derived from his experiences. Once I got to Part 2, I was arriving in Lake Como, Italy for a solo, deep-reflection weekend and it was the perfect time to read the concepts presented and finish the book.

1. The meaning of life & chess masters

   

   “ I doubt whether a doctor can answer this question in general terms. For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment. To put the question in general terms would be comparable to the question posed to a chess champion: ‘Tell me, Master, what is the best move in the world?’ There simply is no such thing as the best or even a good move apart from a particular situation in a game and the particular personality of one’s opponent.” (Man’s Search for Meaning, Page. 108)

This passage in Man’s Search for Meaning was the first time I really thought deeply about how much someone’s meaning or purpose could (should?) change over time.

He underscores a central theme in his existential philosophy: the fluidity and individuality of life's meaning. He challenges the notion of a one-size-fits-all answer to what life means, asserting instead that meaning varies not only from person to person but also from moment to moment.

Frankl’s view challenges us to continuously explore and define what is meaningful based on our current situations and personal growth. It suggests that we have a dynamic engagement with life, where the quest for meaning is an ongoing, responsive process that we are tailoring to our life story and circumstances. This perspective fosters resilience, empowering individuals to navigate life’s complexities with a sense of purpose that is both personal and adaptable.

Although I am clear on my current purpose, this passage had me wondering when it will change and why. I plan to live in the present and not spend time thinking about the future, but I love the idea that one day, I might have a completely new purpose and be able to add value to the world around me from a new perspective.

2. You choose how you show up

   

   “Man is not fully conditioned and determined but rather determines himself whether he gives in to conditions or stands up to them. In other words, man is ultimately self-determining. Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become in the next moment.” (Man’s Search for Meaning, Page. 131)

This passage resonated deeply with me as it parallels one of my favorite Stoic concepts: “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to it.”

Frankl is emphasizing personal agency — the capacity to choose your response in any given set of circumstances. We are called to engage with our specific situations, making choices that reflect both our personal values and their unique challenges. Frankl’s philosophy suggests that meaning is something actively constructed, not passively received. This active engagement, I believe, is crucial for finding personal meaning. We see this style of agency and active decision-making in many types of philosophy, not just in existentialism and stoicism but also across the board, from pragmatism to critical theory.

When I see patterns of principles across philosophical theories, it reminds me that we are all more alike than we are told and the commonalities of living a good life are much more attainable that often perceived.

3. Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue

“To the European, it is a characteristic of the American culture that, again and again, one is commanded and ordered to “be happy.” But happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to “be happy.” Once the reason is found, however, one becomes happy automatically. As we see, a human being is not one in pursuit of happiness but rather in search of a reason to become happy, last but not least, through actualizing the potential meaning inherent and dormant in a given situation.” (Man’s Search of Meaning, Pg. 138)

This passage resonated with me for several reasons: 1. Since I moved to London, many Europeans have always told me I’m “so American” for always finding reasons to be happy or for finding the positives in situations. 2. I really resonate with happiness as a byproduct of setting your life up to be happy by striving for a greater good or your own purpose.

Frankl's statement essentially encourages a shift from seeking happiness as a goal to cultivating it as a natural outcome of living a purpose-driven life. This perspective not only offers a more sustainable path to personal satisfaction but also aligns with a broader, more philosophical understanding of how humans best feel fulfilled.

4. Live for the second time

“The third aspect of the tragic triad concerns death. But it concerns life as well, for at any time each of the moments of which life consists is dying, and that moment will never recur. And yet is not this transitoriness a reminder that challenges us to make the best possible use of each moment of our lives? It certainly is, and hence my imperative: Live as if you were living for the second time and had acted as wrongly the first time as you are about to act now” (Man’s Search for Meaning, pg. 150)

This passage resonates deeply with me as my one fear that I will always grapple with is death. The only thing that a doctor knew with 100% certainty when we were born was that we one day would die.

I always consider death a catalyst for living a good life full of happiness, fulfillment, and deep and meaningful connections. In that same breath, I think about when I will be old, look back on my life, and ask, “Am I happy with how it all panned out?”

When I do that exercise right now, I can say with 100% certainty that I am happy. I have loved openly, put my energy into something greater than myself, and experienced the fruits of life, but the true test will be whether I can maintain this focus and philosophy for the rest of my life. So, with that, I hope to keep Frankl’s words in the back of my mind as I continue to build a beautiful life.

As Epictetus said, “If your choices are beautiful, so too will you be.”

5. He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how

   

There is much wisdom in the words of Nietzsche: “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” I can see in these words a motto which holds true for any psychotherapy. In the Nazi concentration camps, one could have witnessed that those who knew that there was a task waiting for them to fulfill were most apt to survive. (…)

Thus it can be seen that mental health is based on a certain degree of tension, the tension between what one has already achieved and what one still out to accomplish, or the gap between what one is and what one should become. Such a tension is inherent in the human being and therefore is indispensable to mental well-being. We should not, then, be hesitant about challenging man with a potential meaning for him to fulfill. It is only thus that we evoke his will to meaning from its state of latency. (Man’s Search for Meaning, (p.104-105)

The above passage, in my perspective, is central to Frankl’s final thesis and his subsequent development of logotherapy, which emphasizes finding personal meaning in life as the primary motivational force for human beings.

This notion became profoundly evident in the camps, where Frankl observed that those who clung to a sense of purpose, such as a task awaiting them or a loved one to reunite with, often managed to survive the brutal conditions. This observation underscores logotherapy's core premise—that the primary drive in human beings is not pleasure or power, but a search for meaning.

Frankl argues that proper mental health is maintained not by achieving a state of comfort but by living in a dynamic tension between one’s current reality and fulfilling one’s potential. This tension, he suggests, is essential for psychological well-being and stimulates the human spirit to overcome challenges and strive toward meaningful goals. Frankl’s philosophy, forged under the most extreme conditions, offers a powerful message on the human capacity for resilience and the importance of finding purpose in life, no matter the circumstances.

3. Conclusion

Frankl’s book “Man’s Search for Meaning” is a deeply profound book that I would encourage anyone to read, whether they are clear on their purpose or are looking to take a step forward in determining their true purpose in life.

Once I was clear on my purpose of “Be the person you needed when you were younger,” my life began to align in all areas—my career in venture capital creating LGBTQIA+ visibility and representation through business, my ability to run an LGBTQIA+ scholarship program for students connecting them with mentors who can help them navigate hard situations (the way that (A) did for me), and feeling confident in making healthy decisions on a day-to-day such as being alcohol-free, plant-based, and being focused more on building a foundation for a good life than trying to fit any mold that society has portrayed as ‘successful.’

I want to thank you for taking the time to read this exploration. I hope you feel encouraged to explore your personal meaning or purpose on this planet and be intentional about how you want to show up in the world.

I look forward to exploring with you next week.

With intention,

Brian

Link to purchase the book: https://dauntbooks.co.uk/shop/books/mans-search-for-meaning/

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You know how people say, “Never get your hopes up”? Honestly, I’ve always found that statement to be some of the worst advice I’ve ever heard. It's like they’re saying, “Hey, don’t get too excited about anything because it might not work out.” Sure, they mean well, trying to save us from getting hurt by disappointment, but it's kinda sad, right?

Living like that means you’re always holding back, never really diving into what could be. It’s like sticking to the paved path when going on a hike because you're worried the forest trails might be too rough or lead you off course, even though you’ve heard it’s the most beautiful part. Sure, you avoid the mud and the possibility of getting a bit lost, but think about what you're missing. You don’t get to see the hidden waterfalls, the secret groves with the untouched snow, or the unexpected wildlife because you stayed on the easy route. Getting your hopes up is like lacing up those boots, choosing the path that drives into the woods, and seeing where it leads. Maybe you end up with a few scratches, or maybe you find a spot so perfect it becomes your new escape; either way, you’re out there, experiencing the adventure, not just wondering about it.

So let’s flip the script. Getting your hopes up is actually pretty great. It means you’re all in, ready for the adventure, believing something amazing could happen. Sure, sometimes it might not turn out as you planned, and that can be unfortunate, but think about it—every time you hope for something, you’re giving yourself permission to dream big, stretch, and grow. It's about the hike itself, not just the destination. Each time we dare to hope, we learn a bit more about who we are, what we want, and how to pick ourselves up when things go sideways.

In today’s exploration, we are going to discuss why getting your hopes up is actually a good thing. Life’s too short to always play it safe.

Today’s exploration will discuss how getting your hopes up helps with the following:

1. Motivation and Goal Setting

2. Resilience and Perseverance

3. Positive Emotional State

4. Improved Physical & Mental Health

5. Better Relationships

6. Open to Possibilities

So let’s jump in.

Motivation and Goal Setting

High hopes can motivate you to set goals and work towards them. When you believe in the possibility of achieving something great, you're more likely to take the necessary steps to make it happen.

Imagine you've always dreamed of running a marathon. It's a big goal, especially if you're starting from scratch—maybe you're more used to jogging and Barry’s Bootcamp (my favorite) or haven't laced up running shoes in years. High hopes come into play when you look beyond the immediate challenge and envision crossing that finish line, the crowd cheering, and the personal satisfaction of accomplishing something you may have never thought possible before

This vision motivates you to set a specific, achievable goal: "I want to complete a marathon in one year." Believing it's possible, you start taking the necessary steps to make it happen. You research training plans, gradually increasing your distance each week. You learn about nutrition, recovery, and maybe join a running group for support and advice. Each step is guided by the initial hope and belief that you can indeed run a marathon.

As the training gets tougher, it's this hope—this belief in what's at the finish line—that keeps you lacing up your shoes, even on days when motivation is low. The process transforms you, not just physically but mentally and emotionally, proving that with hope as your driving force, achieving great things is not just a possibility but a reality. I can attest to this one personally (only a half-marathon but still), see below.

Resilience and Perseverance:

Being hopeful can help you bounce back from setbacks and challenges. It fosters a mindset that views obstacles as temporary and surmountable, encouraging perseverance through difficult times.

Let’s take a look at one of my favorite worlds, the world of Venture Capital.

Imagine Sarah, who has always dreamed of opening her own cafe company. She's passionate about coffee and has spent years learning everything there is to know about it. Finally, she decides to take the plunge. She finds the perfect location, secures funding (Probably from Gaingels 😉), and after months of preparation, her cafe opens to the public. However, the initial excitement quickly turns to worry as she faces one obstacle after another: unexpected expenses, staffing issues, and lower than anticipated foot traffic. For many, this series of setbacks might be enough to question their decision or even give up entirely.

But Sarah is hopeful. She believes in her vision for the cafe and sees these obstacles not as insurmountable barriers but as challenges to overcome. This hopeful mindset fuels her resilience and perseverance. Instead of being disheartened by low foot traffic, she gets creative, hosting community events and leveraging social media to increase her cafe's visibility. When faced with staffing issues, she takes it as an opportunity to refine her hiring process, seeking out individuals who share her passion and vision. Each setback becomes a lesson in disguise, a chance to adapt and grow stronger.

Sarah's hope doesn't blind her to the reality of her situation; rather, it provides her with the strength to face each challenge head-on. It's her belief in the possibility of her cafe becoming a beloved community spot that keeps her pushing forward, even when the path gets tough. Her perseverance pays off, and gradually, the cafe begins to thrive, becoming exactly what she envisioned: a place where people come together over their love for coffee (and venture-backed female entrepreneurs). In Sarah’s journey, hope acts as the steady hand on her back, pushing her forward through every setback, embodying the essence of resilience and perseverance.

Positive Emotional State:

Hope can improve your mood and reduce stress by fostering positive emotions and outlooks. It can create a sense of excitement and anticipation for the future, making the present more enjoyable.

Let’s look at a more personal life setting with the story of Leo, a recent university grad who's moved to a new city to start his career. Despite his excitement for this new chapter, Leo struggles with feelings of loneliness and isolation, a common experience for many in new, unfamiliar environments. The transition is tougher than he expected, with the challenge of making new friends and missing the comfort of his old life back home.

In the midst of this, Leo holds onto hope. He believes that this tough period of loneliness is temporary and that there are friendships and connections waiting to be made. This hopeful outlook prompts him to join local clubs that align with his interests, like a weekend hiking group and a photography class. Each step outside his comfort zone is fueled by the anticipation of what could be, turning apprehension into excitement.

Leo’s hope doesn’t erase the loneliness overnight, but it changes how he experiences his days. Instead of dwelling on what's missing, he starts to appreciate the opportunities for growth and new experiences. This positive emotional shift makes the present more enjoyable and less stressful. He finds joy in small moments, whether it’s the tranquility of a morning hike or the shared laughter in a photography class. Gradually, these activities lead to meaningful friendships, transforming his outlook on his new life. Leo’s story exemplifies how hope can foster a positive emotional state, transforming challenges into opportunities for joy and connection and making the journey as rewarding as the destination.

Improved Physical & Mental Health

Studies have shown that a positive outlook, including hopefulness, can have tangible health benefits. These can include lower rates of depression, lower levels of distress, better psychological and physical well-being, and possibly even a longer life span.

Some of my favorite leading researchers in this space include Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania, Barbara L. Fredrickson, Ph.D. (Kenan Distinguished Professor in the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience) of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and Dr. Ed Diener (Dubbed "Dr. Happiness) of the University of Illinois-Urbana Champaign. Their studies on the relationship between a positive outlook, hopefulness, and improved physical health are grounded in positive psychology and psychoneuroimmunology. These studies explore how mental states, attitudes, and emotions can significantly impact physical health and well-being. Here's a breakdown of how these studies contribute to our understanding of the connection between hopefulness and health:

1. Lower Rates of Depression and Distress: Research has shown that individuals with a more hopeful outlook exhibit lower rates of depression and distress. This connection stems from hope's role in fostering resilience, enabling people to cope more effectively with life's challenges and stresses. A study published in the "Journal of Personality and Social Psychology"[1] found that hope could reduce the risk of developing stress-related illnesses by promoting positive coping strategies.

2. Better Psychological and Physical Well-Being: Hopeful individuals often report higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction, which are linked to better health outcomes. The mechanism behind this includes the reduction of stress hormones like cortisol, which can have harmful effects on the body when levels remain high over time. For instance, a study in "Health Psychology" [2] highlighted that positive emotions and outlooks can lead to healthier heart rates and blood pressure, contributing to overall cardiovascular health.

3. Longevity: There is growing evidence to suggest that a positive outlook on life, including maintaining hope, can contribute to a longer lifespan. This might be due to a combination of factors, such as lower rates of chronic diseases, healthier lifestyle choices, and a reduced impact of stress on the body. Research published in the "Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences" [3] over 35 years found that subjects with more positive outlooks had a significantly lower risk of dying over a certain period compared to those with more negative outlooks.

4. Immune System Functioning: Studies have also explored how positive emotions and hopefulness can enhance the immune system's functioning. A hopeful attitude might help fend off illnesses by boosting the body's immune response. This is part of the broader research field of psychoneuroimmunology, which examines how the brain, nervous system, and immune system interact. For example, a study on psychosomatic medicine in Sage Journal [4] showed that participants with more optimistic life perspectives had stronger cell-mediated immunity, meaning their bodies were better at mobilizing immune cells to fight off infections and diseases.

These studies collectively do a great job showing the link between the mind and body, suggesting that fostering a hopeful and positive outlook can be an essential part of maintaining and improving physical health. It's a vivid reminder that our thoughts and attitudes can have profound impacts on our physical well-being.

Better Relationships:

Optimism and hope can make you more attractive to others, fostering stronger and more positive relationships. A hopeful outlook can be contagious, creating a more positive environment for everyone involved.

I am going to make this example a bit more personal about my own relationships.

I’ve always considered myself to be someone who believed in the power of positive energy and hope, but I realized 2 years ago, while reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle [5], that I hadn't been applying these principles as intentionally as I could have in my relationships. Tolle argues that many relationship issues stem from mind patterns and egoic attachments, which I realized I had subconsciously fallen victim to. I decided to make a change and began to approach my interactions with friends, family, and even acquaintances with a renewed sense of purpose. I felt I had a newfound understanding that meaningful relationships didn’t just happen; they required effort, positivity, and a genuine openness to connect on a deeper level.

I started to reach out more, initiating conversations, suggesting get-togethers, and really listening when others shared their thoughts and feelings. I tried to make a point to express my optimism about the future regularly and my attempts to always see the good in people, which naturally encouraged those around me then to adopt a similar hopeful stance (See mirror neuron activation in the connective threads piece on gratitude). My hopeful outlook started to become something my friends would ask me for tips on, especially during times when optimism was hard to come by. Some of the people closest to me commented on the shift in how I was engaging with them (which was good for positive reinforcement), bringing not just presence but also creating a sense of safety and trust that had gone deeper than before.

I found that pouring my hopeful energy for deeper, more meaningful relationships into the people around me not only enriched my own life but also created a ripple effect in them. In turn, I was much happier and could also see that my friends were showing up in a new way and expressing themselves with a similar level of hopefulness and happiness.

Open to Possibilities:

On a more spiritual side, I see being hopeful akin to holding a key to a door that opens up to endless possibilities. It’s a mindset that encourages you to look beyond the immediate horizon, to see potential where others might see dead ends.

Hopefulness nurtures a belief in a future that’s not only possible but is also brighter and full of opportunity. This belief acts as a powerful motivator, pushing you to explore, to dream, and to take actions that might otherwise seem daunting or even pointless. Whether it be a new connection or relationship that you are excited about, a new business you may have just started, or a new practice such as an ice bath that you know will have long term benefits, having high hopes will allow you to show up and explore these spaces with a new perspective of openess and possibility.

Hope also encourages a broader perspective, helping you see connections and opportunities that aren’t immediately apparent. It’s a mindset that doesn’t just passively wait for opportunities to arise but actively seeks them out, believing in their existence and the potential for success. This proactive approach to life, driven by hope, not only opens up a world of possibilities but also makes the journey towards them more fulfilling.

Conclusion

The idea of "Never get your hopes up" always struck me as poor advice. It's like saying, "Hey, don’t get too excited, things might flop." But honestly, what's life without a little excitement? Sticking only to the safe path because you're scared of a few bumps means missing out on the cool, hidden spots just off the trail. It's those little side adventures that turn a good story into an amazing one. Choosing to hope means you're up for whatever comes your way, ready to turn "what if" into "let's see."

Being hopeful isn’t just about expecting the best; it energizes you to chase dreams, like running that marathon you never thought you could, or Sarah working through the rollercoaster of opening her café. It's this vibe that makes you push through the tough times, knowing something awesome could be right around the corner. Plus, it makes you someone people want to be around, boosting your relationships and opening you up to even more cool opportunities. In short, hope is about diving into life headfirst, ready new connections, new ideas, and approaching life with a mindset of “What is this could turn out better than you ever imagined?”.

Thank you for taking the time to join this week’s exploration. I look forward to exploring with you next week.

All my love,

Brian

Sources:

[1] https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/psp

[2] https://www.annualreviews.org/content/journals/10.1146/annurev.ps.45.020194.001305

[3] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2894461/

[4] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797610362061

[5] https://www.amazon.co.uk/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/0340733500/ref=asc_df_0340733500/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310812942933&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=626603656474829826&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045888&hvtargid=pla-453295548131&psc=1&mcid=e83eda1e1eb833669ff32d57861e1c90&th=1&psc=1

Connective Threads is a weekly exploration of science, technology, and philosophy threading together actionable insights on health, happiness, and human connection for a more intentional and fulfilling life.

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Rupi Kaur's poem, "How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you," really hits home with a powerful message about loving yourself and how it changes the way others treat you. It's like setting the ground rules for how we want to be respected and loved. When we show ourselves love, respect our own boundaries, and acknowledge our worth, we're basically showing others, "Hey, this is how it's done." It's more than just setting a good example; it's actively teaching others that we value ourselves and expect the same in return.

Building on this foundation, creating a "technique toolbox" for self-love or self-support is very helpful so we can quickly recall personalized strategies and practices that help us show up for ourselves in the best possible way. This toolbox could include anything from daily affirmations that boost our self-esteem to setting aside time for self-care rituals that rejuvenate our spirit or establishing clear boundaries that protect our energy.

In the last five editions of Connective Threads, the main point of feedback I have received is that people love the neuroscience behind the ‘why’ but, even more so, enjoy engaging with strategies that can resonate with their own lives and that they can put into practice. So, the “Technique Toolbox” edition of Connective Threads has been born. I will regularly do editions of explorations with several direct concepts that people can put into practice, which I have learned from mentors, scientists, thought leaders, and philosophers.

Each tool in the toolbox that we will develop together is a method we can use to reinforce our self-worth and remind ourselves of our value. It's about having a go-to set of techniques we can pull from whenever we need to remind ourselves that we're worth the effort. This isn't just about feeling good in the moment - it's about building a sustainable practice of self-love and self-support that teaches others that we know our worth and aren't afraid to uphold it. Through this toolbox, we equip ourselves with the means to not only love ourselves more deeply but also to set a standard for how we allow others to treat us, further reinforcing the message, "This is how I love me, and this is the standard I hold myself and the people around me to”

So, let’s get to it.

Today’s 5 Mindset Techniques:

1. Speak to yourself only how you would speak to your best friend

2. Treat your brain like your child

3. Mindful walks

4. Breathe through it

5. Pour a cup of tea for your older self

1. Speak to yourself only how you would speak to your best friend

This was probably the single most transformative strategy I implemented when I was going through tough times in my life. This practice spawned when I was at my lowest point after my last breakup and found myself in moments of self-deprecation, asking myself, “Am I too difficult to be loved?” “Am I asking for too much?” “Am I capable of achieving the things I want out of life?” etc.

I do not recall when I heard this practice mentioned in a podcast, but I recall explicitly that the podcast did not intend to highlight or dig deep on it. It was a fleeting moment when someone mentioned that they practice it on a regular basis.

I had been talking to one of my best friends, Ellen, earlier that day, and I immediately pictured her.

Had Ellen come to me and said, “Am I too difficult to be loved?” “Am I asking for too much?” “Am I capable of achieving what I want out of life?” I would have immediately stopped her and probably not let her finish even the first question. My goal as a friend would be to show up with the utmost support and compassion to ensure she knows how amazing she is.

So why was I not doing that to myself?

This started to become a practice where I would stop myself mid-negative thought and ask “Would I say this to Ellen?” and it still to this day will stop me in my tracks. The case is often “No, I would never.” so I immediately stop saying it to myself.

It took me several months of practice before it became a natural reflex, but now it is is one of the most effective tools that I have in my toolbox for any negative thoughts.

The brain is very plastic, meaning we can train and mold it in ways that work for us. The mere repetition of asking yourself this question will tell your brain that this is important and should become a regularly referenced neural pathway. Like any habit, the more frequently you practice positive self-talk, the more engrained these neural pathways become. This is similar to strengthening a muscle through exercise; the neural pathways for compassion and positivity become stronger and more readily accessible, making positive self-talk and self-compassion more automatic responses to challenges.

So next time you wonder, “Am I too much?” or “Am I asking for too much?” follow it up with “How would I respond to my best friend?” and proceed from there.

2. Treat your brain like your child

This practice came to me from a neuroscientist named Daniel Amen, MD [1]. He is known for his work on brain health, and his business, Amen Clinics [2], which focus on helping people understand the health of their brains, and also often discusses how to raise mentally resilient children with healthy brains.

As I was listening to him discuss the work he has done in scanning the brains of children to understand the correlation between brain health and positive and negative behaviors and thoughts, a question was posed to him: “How can I proactively ensure that I am making good choices for my brain and mindset regularly”, and he said “Treat your brain like your child”.

It became that simple.

Would you give your child copious amounts of sugar? No. So why would you give your brain that if you know better? Would you make alcohol readily available for your child, knowing that it is a poison? No. So, apply that logic to your own life, and these decisions become much more simple.

Treating your brain like a child to foster a positive mindset is an effective approach that really draws together elements of compassion, patience, and nurturing. This tool can significantly impact mental health and cognitive function by encouraging a supportive and forgiving relationship with oneself.

Here’s how I think about it:

1. Creating Patience and Understanding

Just as a child learns through trial and error, your brain also needs room to grow, make mistakes, and learn from them. Approaching your own mistakes and learning processes with the same patience and understanding you would offer a child can reduce frustration and self-criticism. This gentler approach allows for a learning curve and recognizes that growth and development are ongoing processes, fostering a more positive mindset (aka, don’t beat yourself up when you slip up).

2. Providing A Nurturing Environment

Just as a child thrives with nurturing care, your brain benefits from practices that support its well-being. This includes physical care, such as adequate sleep, nutrition, and exercise, as well as mental care, like stress management and engaging in stimulating activities. By taking care of your brain's needs, you create an environment conducive to positivity and resilience.

3. Celebrating Efforts and Small Wins

In your childhood, encouragement and celebration of small achievements are key to building confidence and a sense of capability. Applying this principle to how you treat your brain—by celebrating small wins (even as small as making your bed) and acknowledging the effort put into tasks—can enhance self-esteem and encourage a positive and motivated mindset. Recognizing progress, no matter how small, reinforces positive behavior and thinking patterns.

4. Applying Unconditional Support

Offering unconditional support to your brain, much like you would to a child, means accepting yourself fully, including both strengths and weaknesses. This unconditional positive regard fosters self-acceptance and reduces the harmful effects of conditional self-esteem, which can fluctuate based on achievements or comparisons to others. A stable sense of self-worth supports a consistently positive mindset.

So next time you find yourself in a moment of mental distress and unsure what to do, remember that your brain is just a child and needs support. Don’t beat yourself up. Simply forgive the mistake you made, and step into supporting your brain and in-turn yourself.

3. Mindful walks

Integrating mindful walks into your routine as a mental reset tool can be incredibly beneficial for managing stress, regulating emotions, and fostering a positive mindset. I started making a mindful walk a regular thing any time I left a meeting feeling like my heart rate had increased or I could feel an increase in cortisol starting to produce.

This is why:

1. Acts as a Stress Regulator

As you start moving, your body will decrease cortisol, loosen up, and shake off tension. While focusing on the here and now, your mind will cut through the noise in your head. It's like giving your mind and body a mini-vacation from stress, helping everything to settle back into a calm state.

2. Elevates Mood

No matter when you go for it, stepping out for a walk can brighten your day. A bit of sunlight and fresh air will start to increase your serotonin levels, making you feel happier and more relaxed. It's a straightforward, natural pick-me-up, perfect for when you're feeling the need to focus on a positive mindset.

3. Stimulates Mental Clarity

Taking a break for a mindfulness walk can clear the mind and improve focus. The physical activity increases blood flow to the brain, which can enhance cognitive functions and spark creativity. The combination of moving your body and paying attention to the moment will also increase oxygen supply to your brain, helping you think clearer.

Incorporating these walks as a strategy for mental and emotional regulation really focuses on the natural influences of physical activity, mindfulness, and nature exposure that we all have available to us. It’s a versatile tool that can be tailored to fit individual needs and schedules, providing a readily accessible means to support yourself, foster a positive mindset, and maintain a healthy emotional state.

4. Breathe through it

Sometimes, life can feel overwhelming simply because your body’s natural response is to enter a state of stress, triggering the sympathetic nervous system, which prepares the body for ‘fight or flight’. This leads to increased heart rate, faster breathing, and increased alertness, all of which can increase the feelings of anxiety. By consciously changing our breathing pattern, we can shift the balance towards the parasympathetic nervous system, known as the 'rest and digest' system, which helps to calm our bodies and minds.

Deep, slow breathing is particularly effective in this regard. When we breathe deeply, it sends a signal to the brain to calm down and relax. The brain then sends this message to the body. This breathing increases the level of oxygen in our blood, which helps to lower stress levels, reduce heart rate, and lower blood pressure, creating a feeling of calm. It also improves focus and concentration by increasing blood flow and oxygen to the brain, facilitating a return to normal thought and decision-making.

I like to use a 5 second rule. I open my phone and start the stopwatch and inhale for 5 seconds then exhale for 5 seconds. I aim to do this for anywhere from 2-3 minutes until I can feel myself coming back to normal.

Take a moment. Breathe slow. You are safe. Bring yourself back to homeostasis and make sure your decisions are coming from a rational place.

5. Pour a cup of tea for your older self

My final tool for when you find yourself at needing support is one of my favorites. It is called “to pour a cup of tea for my future self”. This leans heavily into my manifestation and spiritual side, so here we go:

Pour a cup of tea for your older self

I will sit in my living room with my candles burning and no lights on and sit with an open chair across from or next to me. I physically set out two glasses of tea and brew a kettle of hot water and pour it into each cup. Then I allow future Brian to arrive into the space with me.

I visualize him.

I feel him.

I breathe him.

I look at his complexion and age.

I hold his hand, feel his touch, feel the skin.

I see his energy, his posture, the light he brings into the space.

I connect with this future self as an elder, wiser version of me. Sometimes he is me in 2 years, me in 5 years, me at 50, me at 75.

Once he is in the space, I pour him a cup of tea.

Before I lean into anything further, I sit and admire who has show up for guidance today. I connect with him. I feel his life experience that he is bringing to the situation and the expertise.

I am deeply present with him.

I am deeply vulnerable with this person - almost to a degree that goes beyond how vulnerable I can be with the real people in my life. But I can do it because it is me. Future me knows all the thoughts and experiences that have ever gone through my head and how I have thought of dealing with them.

I notice his quality of presence and the light and energy he brings to the space.

This space sometimes provides me with all the answers I need to the crossroads I came to this space with, or if I have more specific questions: “How do I approach this?”, “How do I overcome this challenge?”, “How do I find the power to be make this right?”, etc.

I have now created the space to ask, and so I do.

He may not speak to me in words (mine almost never do), but he may be the thing, the energy, the presence, that helps me get through this moment. And my ability to just witness, be open, and receive can be the healing ability I am searching for.

I often sit for 5-15 minutes, no phone (unless guided), no lights. Just me, my future self, and the present moment.

There have been times where I have cried, I have felt inspired, I have had an immense weight lifted off my shoulders just knowing that things will ultimately be ok no matter what I am working through with the guidance of my future self.

I have heard of this practice being done in many ways with many outcomes and uses. Some people have full conversations with their future selves, some see a relative, and some even look to their younger selves for guidance. Ultimately, the power of bringing that energy and guidance into a space with you can be used however you need it.

Conclusion

Rupi Kaur's poem, "How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you," captures the essence of self-love and its ripple effect on the treatment we receive from others. The core message emphasizes the importance of treating ourselves with kindness, respect, forgiveness, and recognizing our worth, as these actions set a benchmark for how others should treat us. This isn't just about leading by example; it's a proactive approach to showing the world our value and expecting nothing less in return.

I am excited to start building our "technique toolbox" together as a vital strategy for putting our tactics for personal growth in action. This toolbox will be filled with personalized strategies and practices that enable us to show up for ourselves in many ways. These tools not only reinforce our self-worth but also remind us of our intrinsic value, cultivating a sustainable practice of self-love and teaching others to recognize and respect our standards.

Thank you for taking the time to join this week’s exploration. I look forward to exploring with you next week.

All my love,

Brian

Sources:

[1] Daniel Amen: https://danielamenmd.com/

[2] Amen Clinics: https://www.amenclinics.com/

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Me? start with a quote from my favorite Roman emperor, Marcus Aurelius? Always.

At its core, this quote encourages a daily gratitude practice right when you wake up. Recognizing the privilege of life itself shifts the focus from what you lack (which is a natural survival instinct) to the abundance that exists. This perspective creates an appreciation for simply being alive, thinking, the ability to have things to enjoy, and the ability to give and receive love, all fundamental but often overlooked aspects of our day-to-day lives.

By starting the day with such a positive acknowledgment, we can set a tone of positivity and openness for the day ahead. This practice is known to enhance mood, improve mental health, and even impact physical well-being by reducing stress and improving sleep quality.

Today, we are exploring genuine gratitude. I intentionally include the term genuine because I will explore a few ways we get gratitude wrong and how we can tailor our gratitude experience to be the most effective.

Today’s Flow:

1. Gratitude Story

2. Gratitude vs Thankfulness

3. Neuroscience of Gratitude

4. Effective Practices

5. Conclusions

Let’s kick this off with a little story of an encounter that I had in the past year:

As many of you know I travel quite often for work. I would consider myself a pretty effective traveler. I am able to prioritize my day in order to make it to an airport, use any excess time to work, and be quite productive in these spaces. But, that is only if everything is going according to my plans.

Last fall, I was on my way to JFK one morning in New York City after a long week of meetings. I usually leave for the airport 3 hours ahead of time so I can get to the airport with 2 hours before my flight knowing that baggage check closes 1 hour before my usual flight from New York back home to London.

That morning I arose at 5:00 AM for my 9:00 AM flight and made it out the door at 5:50 AM slightly ahead of schedule feeling really good about the 1 hour drive to the airport and the rest of the timing of the day. What I did not expect was the flipped car on the freeway between Manhattan and JFK that would bring the entire freeway to a near complete stop.

One of my biggest (and most irrational fears) is being late or missing my flights.

As my driver came to a complete stop of the freeway, I was not initially worried, I had planned to have a bit of buffer room and would ultimately be okay if we were able to get back to speed within the next few minutes.

30 minutes later, having not moved, I began to panic. I could feel my heart rate increasing, my cortisol levels spiking, and my fight or flight mode starting to activate as I began to sweat.

This increased stress in my brain made it nearly impossible for me to think straight.

Eventually after 45 minutes we started to move. I immediately put JFK into my google maps and calculate out my eta.

I was going to arrive at 7:55 AM and the baggage check closed at 8:00 AM, and if you have ever been to JFK, you know the queues can vary anywhere from 20-50 minutes just to check in.

As we pulled up to JFK, I ran out of the car, grabbed my 3 bags, and sprinted inside. I was sweating, anxious, and could barely think clear enough to find where I needed to go.

I quickly found the Delta/Virgin Atlantic section which had 45 minute queues to check bags. I looked around and saw one agent named Charolette who must have just been entering the airport to start her day. I quickly ran up to her and she immedateily turned to me with the kindest demeanor and said “Hi Hunny, you look like you could use some help. What can I do for you today?” She was a beam of sunshine and I immedately felt radiating positive energy.

Sweating, I responded “I have 2 minutes to check this bag and get in the other queue to go through security to get to my flight to London.”

I was expecting her to say “I’m sorry there is nothing I can do. You should have gotten here sooner.” But, instead, she said “Oh hun, come right over here with me".” in the sweetest, slightly southern voice. She looked at me and said “Let’s do this quickly. I know just how stressful this can be, but let’s work togehter and see what we can do for you.” It was like she had taken me under her wing and told me she was going to make sure everything was going to be ok.

I could immedately feel my cortisol levels drop, the sweat subside, and my cognitive function come back to homeostasis.

She proceeded to quickly check me in asking quesitons about my life in London, and tell me that she has always romaticised London and imagined raising kids there. She maintained the biggest smile on her face which, of course, activated my mirror neurons and started to get me to smile.

She checked in my bags with 57 minutes before my flight and we were already starting to board.

Instead of telling me to just be on my way, Charolette then proceeded to personally take me to the front of the security queue, still chatting away, and ensure I was taken care of to get through my day.

After handing me off to the security checks, she told me that if she ever makes it out to London with her family, she will keep an eye out for me!

I immedately turned to her and said “I am so grateful for you. You were so kind this morning and you really showed up for me when I needed someone to help. Thank you so much. I apprecaite you.”

I could see the genuine appreciation in her eyes and she said “No thank you! This was a great start to my morning and I am so glad my first engagement was with someone whose energy matched mine so well!”

I was buzzing about this interaction for the rest of the morning and on my flight. Even when I landed in London that evening I was still thinking of the kindness that Charolette had shown to me when she did not have to

Funny enough - I took some pictures as she brought me to the front of the security line because I knew I was going to want to look back on the moment in my gratitude practice:

The reason I tell you this story is that it has stuck with me for nearly half a year and is a perfect example of what researchers call “Genuine Gratitude,” which transitions perfectly into our next segment:

Genuine Gratitude vs Thankfulness

When I began really getting into gratitude practices and researching it nearly 2 years ago, it was clear that the forefather of gratitude research is Robert Emmons of UC Davis. Nearly every paper you read, every expert you hear, and every study currently going on all leads back to Emmons in some way.

Emmons defines gratitude with two parts in his piece titled “Why Gratitude is Good”:

“First, it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts and benefits we’ve received. This doesn’t mean that life is perfect; it doesn’t ignore complaints, burdens, and hassles. But when we look at life as a whole, gratitude encourages us to identify some amount of goodness in our life.

The second part of gratitude is figuring out where that goodness comes from. We recognize the sources of this goodness as being outside of ourselves. It didn’t stem from anything we necessarily did ourselves in which we might take pride. We can appreciate positive traits in ourselves, but I think true gratitude involves a humble dependence on others: We acknowledge that other people—or even higher powers, if you’re of a spiritual mindset—gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.” - Robert Emmons [1]

This pulls us back to our original quote by Marcus Aurelius, Both Aurelius and Emmons’ perspectives on gratitude remind me of the Red Car phenomenon: “Easy to spot a red car when you are always thinking of a red car.”

In the same way, it is easy to spot new reasons to be grateful when you are always proactively thinking of gratitude with a gratitude practice.

Now, the important bit: Unfortunately, most of us actually start with a practice that is rooted in thankfulness and not gratitude. Thankfulness is an automatic, short-lived, and transactional response to things we expect from other humans. Examples include someone holding the door as you enter the gym in the morning, someone giving up their seat for a pregnant person on a bus, or your colleague passing you a plate of appetizers at a business lunch. All these things we say “Thank you” then move on from and forget about momentarily afterward because they are expected.

Gratitude is something else entirely. From what I have learned from my reveiw of the literature and some of my favorite gratitude researchers, including the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkley [2], Robert Emmons of UC Davis [3], and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami [4], there are three distinct parts to Genuine Gratitude:

1. Deep Appreciation

2. Unexpected Event

3. Lasting Impact

Let’s go back and think about the experience that I have with Charlotte at the airport.

At that moment, I appreciated how Charolette was able to show up for me and calm me down on the spot. She started connecting with me when she saw how anxious I was and was able to comfort me immediately. In turn, I could feel my cortisol levels dropping because she was showing me such kindness and empathy that not only emotionally moved me but also physically changed my chemical response.

I am sure you can tell based on the fact that it is six months later, and I am still talking about this experience that it has had a lasting impact on me, but in the moment, it was also very unexpected. She could have just checked me in or dismissed me, but instead went above and beyond to make sure that I was taken care of throughout the whole experience until the moment when I passed through security, and she physically could not be with me anymore. It meant a lot to know that a random stranger was willing to show up for me with such energy in a moment of need.

Let’s go through one more example of being grateful vs. being thankful:

Picture this: You are back in my home state of Wisconsin in the heart of summer. The summers can get pretty hot and sunny, making it slightly difficult for older people to mow their lawns. You notice that your neighbor’s lawn has been slightly overgrown, so you decide that when you finish your lawn, you’ll take 20 minutes to mow Betty Sue’s lawn next door.

After you complete it, Betty Sue opens the door and thanks you for taking the 20 minutes to help her out. This is an example of thankfulness - you would expect this. A very transactional response, you provided a service and she thanked you for it.

Now a genuine gratitude example would be Betty Sue walking out of the door to meet you on her front lawn and embracing you with a hug. She looks you in the eyes and tells you that the last time someone else helped her mow her lawn was her husband before he passed away last fall. She says that this gesture means so much to her and thanks you for taking care of her this morning.

You can tell that she is 1. deeply appreciative, 2. she did not expect this, and 3. this will have a lasting impact on her day/week. You have cultivated this moment, and you are likely also deeply grateful for having done this yourself, which will prompt your brain to look for more moments in which you can show up in this way.

There is a clear distinction between thankfulness and genuine gratitude; now, let’s dig deeper into why gratitude has such a profound impact on your brain.

Neuroscience of Gratitude

The neuroscience behind gratitude reveals a fascinating connection between our brain's structure and function, fundamentally altering our mental and emotional landscapes (leveraging one of my favorite concepts - neuroplasicty). When we engage in genuine gratitude practices, such as keeping a gratitude journal or mentally acknowledging what we are grateful for, this activates specific regions of the brain associated with emotional regulation and the reward pathway, specifically the prefrontal cortex (seems like everything I write about refers to the prefrontal cortex -but that’s because it is important ! ) and the ventral tegmental area. These areas are crucial for feeling pleasure and for the reinforcement of behaviors/decision-making that are beneficial to our well-being. Moreover, gratitude practice increases the production of dopamine and serotonin, two key neurotransmitters involved in our feelings of happiness and well-being. This neurochemical boost helps to elevate our mood and can even contribute to a more positive and resilient mindset over time.

Gratitude's impact extends beyond the brain's reward system, influencing hormonal balance (shoutout epigenetic practices - Connective Threads piece on epigentics linked here) and the body's stress response. Practicing gratitude has been linked to lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, promoting a more relaxed state and helping to mitigate the effects of stress on the body. This hormonal balance not only aids in reducing anxiety and improving mood but also supports better physical health by enhancing immune function and reducing inflammation. The activation of the parasympathetic nervous system during gratitude exercises further encourages a state of calm and contentment, facilitating a restful sleep pattern and improving overall sleep quality (probably the biggest impact in my personal routine on sleep next to my Eight Sleep Bed - unapollogetic product placement).

The excerpt below comes from Emmon’s piece “Why Gratitude is Good”.

“Gratitude journals and other gratitude practices often seem so simple and basic; in our studies, we often have people keep gratitude journals for just three weeks. And yet the results have been overwhelming. We’ve studied more than one thousand people, from ages eight to 80, and found that people who practice gratitude consistently report a host of benefits:

Physical

• Stronger immune systems

• Less bothered by aches and pains

• Lower blood pressure

• Exercise more and take better care of their health

• Sleep longer and feel more refreshed upon waking

Psychological

• Higher levels of positive emotions

• More alert, alive, and awake

• More joy and pleasure

• More optimism and happiness

Social

• More helpful, generous, and compassionate

• More forgiving

• More outgoing

• Feel less lonely and isolated.” [1]

The benefits of a genuine gratitude practice are both broad and profound, encompassing emotional, psychological, and physical well-being. Emotionally, individuals who regularly practice gratitude report higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction, as well as lower levels of depression and anxiety. Psychologically, gratitude can enhance self-esteem and foster resilience, enabling individuals to bounce back more quickly from adversity. Physically, the practice can lead to better health outcomes, including reduced symptoms of physical illness, lower blood pressure, and a stronger immune system.

Overall, the neuroscience of gratitude offers compelling evidence of its power to transform our minds, bodies, and lives, highlighting the importance of incorporating this simple yet profound practice into our daily routines.

Effective Gratitude Practices

Setting the Stage:

To cultivate an effective gratitude practice, I suggest starting by setting aside a few minutes each day to reflect on things you're genuinely grateful for. In my own personal practice, this works best for me in the morning to set a positive tone for the day or in the evening as a way to reflect right before bed. Use a journal to write down three to five things daily (here is the one I use), focusing on the why behind each one to deepen the practice. Incorporate variety to avoid it feeling like a chore, acknowledging both the big and small aspects of your life.

Additionally, expressing gratitude directly to others can amplify its benefits. Make it a habit to tell friends, family, or colleagues why you appreciate them, either through conversation, a note, or a message. This not only strengthens your relationships but also enhances your own feelings of gratitude, creating a positive feedback loop. Over time, this practice can shift your mindset, helping you to more naturally notice and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during challenging times.

Lastly, embrace technology to guide your gratitude practice by using apps designed for journaling or reminders to reflect on gratitude throughout your day. Setting digital prompts can serve as gentle nudges to pause and recognize moments of genuine gratitude, encouraging consistency in your practice. I use an app called “I am” which sends me periodic reminders throughout the day—it has been an absolutely game changer for me in not only gratitude practice but also overall mindset and my approach to the world around me (see picture below). This integration of gratitude into your digital life can make the practice more accessible and engaging, ensuring it becomes a seamlessly integrated part of your daily routine, further enriching your emotional well-being and sense of contentment.

Common Mistakes:

As I mentioned before, I think it is important to highlight common ways in which people make some mistakes in general gratitude practice so we can get better together.

One of my favorite thought leaders, Mel Robbins, did an amazing piece a year ago [7] about how she tailored her gratitude practice to address several regular mistakes people make. She highlights six ideas, but I will expand on three of them and connect them to where I have focused on improving myself or have helped others.

So, let’s get to it.

1. Using gratitude as a justification to do nothing and be stuck where you are if you are unhappy or dissatisfied.

   1. Mistake: The ever-so-common “I am just grateful to have a paycheck.” The reason why this is toxic is that if you hate your job but end the sentence with “I am grateful to have a paycheck,” are you motivated to change your job? Absolutely not. Another common one is when someone is in an unhappy relationship and says, “Well, at least they are better than [insert person]’s significant other. I am just grateful I am not dating a deadbeat person like they are.” Here is a clear use of gratitude to justify lowering your standards.

   2. Analysis: If you find yourself saying, “I’m just grateful I have this,” but you do not like what you have, you are shaming yourself into not changing.

   3. Try this: Add in the truth. “I am grateful that I have a paycheck, AND I deserve to work somewhere that makes me feel fulfilled and appreciated, so I am going to start networking and see if there is another job out there for me.” Now, taking a look at the relationship side - we can reframe it to say, “I am grateful for my time in that relationship through all the good times and growth I experienced, AND I deserve someone who brings out the best in me so I am going to end this.” Can you spot the difference? You can be thankful that an event in your life and acknowledge that, but still understand that you deserve something better.

This is an easy transition into our next one:

2. Using gratitude to escape uncomfortable emotions that you don’t want to process

   1. Mistake: Humans often use gratitude to escape difficult emotions that we do not want to talk about or feel. I used to be very guilty of this, and it is where I have grown the most in my practice. Let’s go through two examples.

      1. I remember back when my grandmother passed away due to health complications, and my father and his siblings would say “I am just grateful that she isn’t suffering anymore”.

      2. Additionally, when people go through breakups, some express gratitude by saying, “I am just grateful we are not fighting anymore” or “I am grateful he expressed his feelings.”

   2. Analysis: The issue here is that you are likely feeling more than one emotion but are leveraging gratitude to mask any unwanted feelings in this situation.

   3. Try this:

      1. “I am grateful that my mother is not suffering anymore, AND I am devastated that I just lost my mom.” Do you see how powerful that feels? This matters because it is critical for your mental health that you acknowledge and validate the uncomfortable emotions that you are feeling.

      2. Now, for the relationship side example, you are not just grateful right out of the gate. It is critical for healing that you speak about the troubles, confusion, or grief that you feel. Gratitude might be one of the 100s of emotions running through your mind, but jumping onto just gratitude can actually really hurt your ability to process these emotions. Being able to lean into hard feelings allows you to find support networks (discussed in Identity Odyssey Part 2) and outlets to process those feelings, which is the only way to get genuine gratitude down the road. So instead, try “I am grateful we are breaking up and being honest with each other, BUT I am really hurting inside at the loss of my partner.” Notice the difference. The research shows that the more you talk about your negative feelings, the faster they pass. With the goal of genuine gratitude, if you need someone to complain to, I am here to chat (as a non-expert, unlicensed best friend).

The next example is one that I am actively working on.

I love to help people get through tough times with a positive mindset, but I also need to ensure I approach support with radical empathy and the utmost respect for the person's situation. I have come a long way, but I will always have to be very intentional about this.

3. Using gratitude to push positivity on other people

   1. Mistakes: We have all seen this as a natural reflex when we are getting uncomfortable due to information being shared with us. Imagine someone comes up and shares with you that they have just been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis or cancer, and you respond with, “Don’t worry! You’ll beat this!” or when someone loses their job, and you say, “That’s actually such a good thing! You hated that job! Aren’t you grateful for the opportunity to find a new one?”

   2. Analysis: The research shows this type of ‘gratitude’ hurts people. It makes people feel like their feelings are invalidated and that you don’t understand the situation.

   3. Try this: Instead of forcing positivity, it is okay to say, “That is horrible. You didn’t deserve this, but you are not going to go through this alone.” I stole this from Mel, who learned it from Adam Grant and Sheryl Sandberg, but it is a game-changer. You can offer support while creating space for their many feelings and emotions and opening the door for them to feel like they can go even deeper with a situation.

      

The human experience is extremely beautiful and complex, and the more we can be intentional about these changes, the more space we can create for genuine gratitude and support for the people we love.

Conclusion

As we come to an end, I want to express my gratitude that you took time out of your day to show up and read this piece. It took me just around 10 hours to review prior research and consolidate my thoughts. So, to see the people I care about show up to read this exploration, then reach out with questions, and share their learnings and growth, it truly moves me deeply and sticks with me for the long term.

It's clear that embracing gratitude does more than just brighten our days; it transforms them. Through a mix of personal stories and research insights, we've seen how acknowledging the good, especially when unexpected, leaves a lasting positive impact. Remember, it's not just about saying "thanks" for the easy stuff but recognizing the profound, often challenging moments that shape us. So, let's tweak our gratitude practice to be more mindful, genuine, and inclusive of the full spectrum of our experiences. This way, we're not just grateful; we're growing, too.

See you next week! :)

With love & intention,

Brian

Sources:

[1] “Why Gratitude is Good” by Robert Emmons: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_gratitude_is_good

[2] Greater Good Science Center of UC Berkley: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/

[3] Reobert Emmons of UC David: https://psychology.ucdavis.edu/people/raemmons

[4] Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the Univesity of Miami: https://humansandnature.org/michael-mccullough/

[5] The Gratitude Journal that I use: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Intelligent-Change-Gratitude-Mindfulness-Reflection

[6] The I Am App: https://theiam.app/

[7] Mel Robbins: https://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-74

Other non-referenced good sources:

“What Is Gratitude?” by the Greater Good Science Center: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/gratitude/definition

“The Evolution of Gratitude” by Malini Suchak: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_evolution_of_gratitude

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Last week, in Part 1 of The Identity Odyssey (linked here if you have not read it yet), we explored self-understanding, challenges and revelations, influences and distractions, and building a purpose-driven life. This week, we will turn external and start to understand how we cultivate these spaces and develop a strong and healthy response pattern that will allow us to continue becoming better versions of ourselves.

If you are a consistent reader, you know I like to start with a quote, so let's break down this one from Confucius in a more relatable way. Imagine you're trying to clean up a really messy room, but instead of starting with the whole room, you focus on organizing one shelf at a time. Confucius applies this logic to fixing the world's problems and understanding yourself.

He's saying, "Look, if you want to make the world a better place, you can't just wave a magic wand and poof, everything's perfect. You gotta start small." Before you go out there trying to change the world, make sure your own country is in good shape. But how do you make sure the country is doing well? You ensure that families within that country are strong and healthy because families and people are the building blocks of society.

Then, Confucius takes it a step further and says, "Hold up, before we even get to family, let's talk about you—the individual." He believes that in order for families to be solid, each person in that family needs to have their act together. And getting your act together starts from the inside. It's all about having a good heart and being a better version of yourself than you have been before.

So, essentially, Confucius is laying out a game plan for helping the world around us, and it starts with each of us. It's like he's saying, "You want to fix the world? Great, start by fixing yourself." It's a call to action for personal responsibility and growth, suggesting that the ripple effect of our own self-improvement and finding our purpose can eventually lead to a better world. Pretty cool way of looking at things, huh?

And that is how we kick off today's edition of Connective Threads, The Identity Odyssey: Navigating Purpose and the Seas of Self (Part 2).

A friendly reminder of the map for last week's journey:

Part 1

1. Setting Sail: The Quest for Self-Understanding

2. Navigating the Seas of Self: Challenges and Revelations

3. The Siren's Call: External Influences and Distractions

4. Charting the Course: Building a Purpose-Drive Life

This week we are charting a new course to the below isles:

Part 2

1. The Crew: Relationships and Support Systems

2. Weathering Storms: Resilience and Adaptation

3. Land Ahoy: Finding Purpose and Embracing Identity

4. Continuing the Journey: Lifelong Exploration and Growth

So raise your mast (again) and let's get to it.

1. The Crew: Relationships and Support Systems

In every voyage, one cannot underestimate the vital role of the crew. As we sail across the vast and often unpredictable waters of self-discovery, it is our relationships and community that help us steer the ship and adjust the sails. These important people in our lives serve as the north star by which we navigate, guiding us through the darkest nights and stormiest seas. They provide a sense of belonging and connection that is essential for any journey, especially one as intricate and complex as understanding who we are. Just as a ship's crew works together to keep the vessel afloat, our personal relationships help to support and sustain us as we explore the depths of our identity.

Since the start of the pandemic, I have begun taking a proper look at the support networks that I have in my life and asking myself, "Where do I feel supported in my life?", "Where do I need help?", and "Where do I need to put more energy into developing my tribe?". It was an interesting practice at first, as it felt like I was taking inventory of the people around me. Still, it actually helped me understand what type of person they are in my life - a social friend, a support system, a romantic partner, a professional colleague, etc.  And in turn, what I was to them.

Right after the pandemic, I started a group called Full Moon Mindfulness. This group allows me and my friends to get together every full moon to discuss our well-being, goals, and challenges in life. I found that my life was missing an intentional space for reflection and support with friends in a group setting. I was fortunate to have a therapist and executive coach at this time, and I wondered why I had not had similar conversations with the people who mean so much to me.

This moment brought me back to my purpose in life: "Be the person you needed when you were younger." The younger version of Brian would have needed someone who could show up for relationships, identify areas of opportunity for improvement, and act on that for the people around him.

We now use this space to be our most authentic selves. We show up with our flaws, discuss our goals and dreams, and offer support to each other as we work through and listen to others' experiences. I find this time to be some of the most meaningful time in my schedule in any given month. I have learned so much about my friends and their dreams, and I can now show up for them in very intentional ways to help support them. They have also shown up to do the same for me, and I will be forever grateful for that..

Mentors, friends, and family are the navigators, deckhands, and lookouts of our personal journeys. A mentor can be like the wise captain, offering years of experience to help chart a course through unfamiliar waters, often helping to avoid the unseen shipwrecks beneath the surface of our decisions and actions. Friends are like loyal crew members, ready to man the oars with us, share in the labor of self-improvement, and celebrate our triumphs. And family (and/or chosen family) are the anchors, providing a steadfast rock that can help us find our way back when we drift too far from who we truly are. They are the ones who offer a broader perspective, reminding us of where we've come from and what truly matters when the lighthouse of our own insight seems dim. Together, this crew doesn’t just accompany us; they enrich the journey of self-discovery with their support, guidance, and love, making the voyage not just possible, but worthwhile.

2. Weathering Storms: Resilience and Adaptation

As we explore the vast oceans of self-discovery, resilience and adaptation are the dual stars by which we must navigate. As the journey unfolds, it’s guaranteed that we’ll be hit by setbacks that will test our ship’s capabilities and our own inner strength. These moments are as inevitable as the changing tides, and while they may threaten to capsize our boats, they hold within them a powerful opportunity: they are catalysts for growth and learning. The commotion of these storms can break down our protective walls, crack open our shells of comfort, and force us to confront the raw and turbulent seas of change. In these upheavals, there’s a profound lesson to be learned—that our responses to adversity define our character and the map of our personal journey.

One of my favorite stoic principles is "You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond." I try to remind myself of this in any situation, as small as someone cutting me off while driving or in more serious situations like going through a tough breakup.

This next example might be a bit personal, but my goal of this exploration is to create transparency and space for people to connect with me and ask questions, so here we go;

 After my last break up in 2021/2022, I found myself at one of the lowest points in my life, in a new country with no family, no daily routine, and a set of brand new friends whom I had yet to form deep relationships with. I recall moments where I would sit and cry, staring at the River Thames because I didn’t understand how I ended up there. It was a very tough moment, but also one of the most formative moments to become the person I am today.

I remember looking at myself in the mirror one night and saying, "What has happened to you?” and thinking - this is the moment I will take control of this.

In a few months, I realized how much the responsibility for my happiness fell into my own hands. I could approach the situation thinking that all the odds were stacked against me without my predeveloped relationships, the support of my family, or daily habits that brought me happiness. Instead, I decided it was a blank slate, and now it was up to me to create and discover what that happiness and support in a new city would look like. I started taking different classes about pottery, wellness, and ice baths, I started to spend more intentional time with people with whom I thought I might be able to develop deep and meaningful friendships, and I began to develop a routine centered around things that I knew brought me happiness - health, fitness, habit stacking, and meeting new people.

Ultimately, it led me to be the happiest I have ever been due to one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. I went through a full journey beyond what I had originally thought of just getting back to homeostasis and started exploring what my most fulfilled life would look like. It is important to acknowledge that there are many moments where I still have a wobble and experience ups and downs, but developing this resiliency has been one of the most impactful skills of my life.

It starts with learning to patch up our sails after they’ve been ripped by the winds of failure or hardship. Building resilience is reinforcing the hull of our ship, allowing us to withstand the waves without leaks. This process is intentional and practiced; it’s about learning to recognize the signs of an approaching storm and preparing ourselves mentally and emotionally for impact. It’s about realizing our ability to pivot, to take in new information and adjust our course accordingly, always keeping an eye on the horizon of our goals. It requires developing a compass of core values that stays true even when the stars are obscured by the storm clouds. By embracing strategies such as mindfulness, fostering a positive outlook, seeking support from our crew, and learning from past challenges, we become adept at sailing through life's hardest challenges, not merely surviving them, but emerging with a clearer vision of who we are and a refined course toward who we wish to become.

3. Land Ahoy: Finding Purpose and Embracing Identity

As the distant silhouette of land begins to take shape on the horizon, the end goal of this single voyage comes into view: finding purpose and embracing identity. This is the port we've been seeking—a place where the long journey across the seas of self yields a sense of belonging and understanding of your identity. To know one's purpose is to stand on the deck at dawn and see the sunlight illuminate our destination - It is the moment when we can finally say, "This is who I am. This is where I'm meant to be." Embracing our identity doesn’t mean the seas were always calm or the journey straightforward, but rather that we've charted our unique course through them and discovered our place in the world.

As I've mentioned, I start every day by brushing my teeth and reading "Be the person you needed when you were younger" on my bathroom mirror. It has been a true guiding star in my journey, and every time I ask myself that question, I find it seems to make any opportunity, challenge, or obstacle easier to navigate.

This sense of purpose and identity is more than just a psychological anchor; it is a light illuminating our lives with meaning. It contributes to our overall well-being by providing a foundation upon which health, happiness, and fulfillment can be built. When we understand who we are and what we stand for, we move through the world with confidence, much like a ship that knows its home port. We're better able to make decisions that align with our true selves, set boundaries, and pursue passions that resonate with our core. This congruence between our inner and outer worlds is the essence of authenticity and the key to a fulfilling existence. As we step ashore, having found our purpose and embraced our identity, we can look back at the sea that has shaped us and look forward to the life that awaits us with a profound sense of gratitude and excitement. Here, at the intersection of self-knowledge and self-acceptance, lies the true treasure —inner peace and a life rich with intention.

4. Continuing the Journey: Lifelong Exploration and Growth

Even as we reach milestones, we realize that the journey of self-discovery and finding purpose is not a single destination but an unending voyage. The seas of self are infinite, and with each journey crossed, a new one emerges. Our understanding of who we are is ever-changing, evolving with the tides of time and experience. The idea is not to anchor at the shore of a rigid self-concept but to sail on, embracing the winds of change that continually reshape our sense of identity and purpose. This process is not linear but a spiral, where each cycle brings deeper insights and broader perspectives, solidifying the rewarding experience of personal growth.

In 2024, I have several ways of challenging myself to continue to learn and grow. The most prevalent one is the one you are engaging with right now. I have decided to share my thoughts and explorations with a border community through Connective Threads in hopes of solidifying my own thoughts on these concepts, fostering inspiration, and sparking excitement in other people on a similar journey.

In addition, I plan to take new classes in the art world, focus on developing meaningful passions, and even go as far as saying I would love to be in a relationship this year. Through the work of building my own fulfilled life, I have realized that I am confident in who I am, and the next step in this journey will be to show up for another person in the same way that I show up for myself. I look forward to supporting and growing with another person who can challenge me to be a better version of myself every day and allow me to listen, see, and hear them as their true authentic self to support them through growth and challenges as well.

To sustain this journey, we must be explorers of our inner selves—committing to lifelong learning, reflection, and an openness to new experiences. It's about setting sail from the our current settings and understandings into the uncharted waters of what we have yet to discover about ourselves. Reflection is our compass, learning is our map, and new experiences are the stars by which we navigate. By cultivating a spirit of curiosity and a heart willing to be transformed by what it encounters, we ensure that our growth is not just a phase but a way of being. The call is to be as expansive as the journey itself—always growing, always becoming, and always exploring the vastness of health, happiness, and human connection.

Conclusion

Embarking on "The Identity Odyssey" allows us to navigate the intricate seas of self-discovery, resilience, and purpose, understanding that each wave shapes our identity, from the calmest to the most challenging. Along this voyage, we find that our purpose, the tools that help us navigate, the crew of our relationships, the storms we weather, and the shores we reach all contribute to the ongoing evolution of authenticity and our sense of self. As we continue to sail forward, embracing continuous growth and reflection, we realize that the true treasure lies not in a final destination but in the journey and the personal transformation it brings.

As we saw in the study at UCLA referenced in The Identity Odyssey Part 1, determining your purpose and sense of self will not only lead to a more fulfilled life but also a healthier one with low inflammatory gene expression and high expression of antiviral and antibody genes, creating a healthier genetic makeup for you to show up more meaningfully in this world.

So go on, put this into practice, and live a healthier, happier life full of human connection and fulfillment.

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This quote by Seneca in letter 71 of his 121 letters outlining his thoughts on being a better person brilliantly captures the essence of purpose and direction in life. It is a metaphorical reminder of the importance of setting clear goals, finding an overarching guiding principle in life, and the inspiration for today's entry into Connective Threads.

Seneca was a Roman stoic philosopher, statesman, and playwright who lived from about 4 BCE to 65 CE. He is known for his profound works on ethics and philosophy and his advising role to Emperor Nero. He was a member of Roman society and a very well-regarded figure, but also extremely controversial. He is often looked to for his great contributions to philosophy. Still, in the same breath, many people mention his banishment to Corsica for adultery with the emperor's niece. Seneca's life was riddled with great moments of success and very dark times. His works continued until his last days and followed him through these times of extreme highs and extreme lows, which has made for great literature to dissect and understand.

This quote stood out to me as I thought about how I wanted to guide today's exploration on purpose for several reasons:

1. The initial reason was that the metaphor of a ship setting sail is a clear scenario that most people can understand and relate to via several events that will guide our discussion.

2. I enjoy that the ship can be in motion, handling itself quite well amidst turbulent waters and even transporting precious cargo. Still, unless it has a clear direction for its journey, the other actions are rendered nearly useless.

3. I love that Seneca made mistakes. It is a good reminder that even as a man of great power, he is human; we are human, and things will happen. His journey highlights the importance of resiliency and determination, which we will get into later.

And that sets the tone for today's discussion on purpose and sense of self.

The map for today's journey will be broken out into 2 parts; Part 1 is explored this week, and Part 2 will be continued next week:

Part 1

1. Setting Sail: The Quest for Self-Understanding

2. Navigating the Seas of Self: Challenges and Revelations

3. The Siren's Call: External Influences and Distractions

4. Charting the Course: Building a Purpose-Drive Life

Part 2

1. The Crew: Relationships and Support Systems

2. Weathering Storms: Resilience and Adaptation

3. Land Ahoy: Finding Purpose and Embracing Identity

4. Continuing the Journey: Lifelong Exploration and Growth

   

So raise your mast, and let's get to it.

1. Setting Sail: The Quest for Self-Understanding

Sailing the personal seas to find your purpose is like navigating by the stars—you’re charting a course in the vast expanse based on what lights you up inside.

Having a strong sense of purpose is significantly linked to happiness and health. In a study done at UCLA, in collaboration with the University of North Carolina, it was found that happiness derived from having a deep sense of purpose and doing good for others has a healthier genetic effect (kudos to epigenetics!) than pleasure-seeking activities. This type of happiness, often called eudaimonic well-being, is contrasted with hedonic well-being, which is based on self-gratification. The study discovered that individuals with a high level of eudaimonic well-being exhibited low inflammatory gene expression and high expression of antiviral and antibody genes, suggesting that their genetic makeup was healthier than those who pursued hedonic happiness. [1]

People's sense of purpose can vary widely as they explore what makes them feel fulfilled in life. Some may seek out pursuits like helping others, and some may seek to create the world's best pastries. Neither is better than the other—what is important is having a sense of direction and a meaning to why you wake up every day.

Now, how do you find a sense of purpose, you say? Let's explore a few common exercises that can help people get started in finding out what is most important to them (each of these will have a full Connective Threads article written about them as well):

1. Reflective Practices: A great way to start thinking about what matters to you in life is to start by reflecting on your life and asking yourself, "What are some of the most transformative moments in my life and why?". This can help start getting your brain working towards looking for opportunities that have been impactful on you and can help you gain insights into what truly matters to you, what you value, and how you wish to contribute to the world. This is often coupled with practices such as journaling, meditation, and mindfulness to engage with your inner thoughts, feelings, and desires to help you work through what they mean and how they contribute to an overall sense of purpose.

2. Exploring New Interests and Hobbies: This activity, in particular, can help people a lot, especially in tough spots. I personally used exploring new hobbies and interests as one of the catalysts to help me through my last breakup - I went to pottery classes, booked modeling sessions, and even brought myself out on solo dates to try new cuisines. Trying new activities and exploring different interests can spark a sense of curiosity and joy. This exploration can lead to discovering hidden passions and talents (I can make a mean clay coffee cup now!), which can play a significant role in defining one's purpose. Whether it's learning a new language, taking up an art class, or engaging in outdoor adventures, new experiences can broaden your perspective and inspire a sense of purpose.

3. Setting and Pursuing Personal Goals: Setting goals that are aligned with personal values and interests can help steer you toward your purpose. By identifying what you want to achieve in different areas of life—whether it's career, education, personal development, or relationships—you can create a map that guides your actions and decisions towards a fulfilling purpose. One of the easiest ways to start goal setting is by starting with what your ideal life would look like one year from now and then breaking it down into more tangible steps to get there. What do you need to do in the next month, quarter, or half year to make sure you are achieving your goals by this time next year?

   

4. Engaging in Conversations and Building Relationships: Talking with friends, family, mentors, and even strangers about life's big questions can open new avenues for discovering purpose. I personally started to do more dinner parties and goal-planning sessions with my friends, which allowed me to learn what the driving forces behind their lives were. It was not only informative but also enlightening and eye-opening to hear how the people close to me approached these questions and thoughts in day-to-day life. Sharing stories, aspirations, and concerns with others can provide clarity, offer new perspectives, and strengthen connections. Building meaningful relationships and engaging in communities with similar interests can help us also reinforce a sense of purpose and belonging.

5. Volunteering and Helping Others: Engaging in altruistic behaviors and helping those in need can provide a great sense of purpose. Volunteering is an area in which I am working to do more, but I think it is very important. By contributing to the well-being of others, you can often find a greater sense of meaning in your life. Volunteering can help you to see the direct impact of your actions on the community and can illuminate passions and paths you might not have previously considered.

For the past 9 years, I have had my purpose of "Be the person you needed when you were younger" on my bathroom mirror to remind me every day how I want to show up in this world. It was through reflecting on my time coming out of the closet and understanding how having people in the queer community who looked like me and had similar dreams would have been the greatest resource set me on this path. I really like this quote because 'younger' could mean yesterday, 10 years ago, or 20 years ago. With that, I find it the best guiding force behind making any decisions in my life.

No matter how you start, setting the intention behind wanting to determine your purpose will help you find the right avenue to discover it.

2. Navigating the Seas of Self: Challenges and Revelations:

You’re the captain of your ship, and the waters you’re sailing are deep and unpredictable. Sometimes you'll hit the rough waters of self-doubt and fear, where waves of uncertainty crash against you, and the winds of anxiety try to steer you off course. It’s in these moments that you need to hunker down and remember why you set sail in the first place. A strong sense of self and purpose will make these challenges feel more like opportunities than challenges. 

After I started being intentional about asking myself, "Am I being the person I needed when I was younger?" it started to give me great clarity in moments of uncertainty. It had always been my dream when I was younger to work in corporate America at a Fortune 500 company (I thank Junior Achievement class in Kindergarten for that aspiration), so when I was recruited by my first sub $1billion in annual revenue company (Gaingels), I felt at a crossroads. I recall sitting with myself and wondering if it would be the right decision to jump. I ultimately thought about the impact I would want to have on my younger self, and in the end, I realized that I would want to show my younger self that it is important to take new opportunities that challenge me rather than stick to a course I had set if it meant that I could make a bigger impact on the community around me.

Gaingels was very mission-aligned with me and focused on creating representation in Venture Capital for underserved communities. Part of my responsibilities, in addition to external relations, was going to include running a scholarship program that would help me reach a group of young people who are making critical decisions in life and find their mentorships and resources to navigate these challenges well. Not only was I going to be able to be the person I needed when I was younger, but this also gave me a platform to be a person that these scholars may need to help them navigate an important time frame in their lives. I am now the happiest I have ever been in any of my jobs by aligning it with my purpose.

The sea is a big place, and it’s full of the unknown, but that’s also what makes the voyage worth it—the revelations. Just like finding new islands and hidden treasures, you’ll uncover things about yourself that you never knew existed. Each challenge you face on these seas is a chance to chart your course and sail towards a life that's is more purpose aligned and fulilling.

3. The Siren's Call: External Influences and Distractions

In the wild ride of figuring out your life's purpose, it’s like society’s got this loudspeaker blaring what it thinks you should be doing. This is the siren’s call, the chatter of societal expectations, cultural norms, and all those pressures that come at you like pesky pop-up ads, trying to pull you off your path. You might find yourself constantly bombarded with messages about what success looks like, who you should be, or what you should have achieved by now, and it's easy to get sidetracked trying to live up to a standard that doesn't even fit you.

One of my favorite exercises to do every quarter is my social media unfollow and aspire day. I learned this from Mel Robbins [2], who does it weekly on her "Unfollow Friday," but I have found it works better for me quarterly so I am not making any knee-jerk reactions.

On this day, I will go through the people I follow and determine whether I think the content they are posting is inspiring me to do better or hindering my ability to be a better person. I ask myself, does their account help make me a better person, does it show me a life that I admire, is it helping me learn a new skill, or is it fostering a relationship with someone I care deeply about? Each of these is a good indicator that I value following that person. On the flip side, I will also ask myself if it hinders my ability to stay true to myself: Does the content align with my values? Am I on a different path than this person? Do I find this content reinforcing the path that I am on or making me feel inferior for not being in a certain place in life? Each question clarifies whether I can categorize someone as an unfollow or aspirational influence.

Additionally, I like to look for thought leaders with skills that I am trying to build. These are often thought leaders, business moguls, researchers, company founders, or, in general, people who are building value for society, and I can find inspiration in learning from them.

So, with all these influences, how do you stay true to you? Write down what's really important to you and check it like you do your socials—regularly. Get into the groove of setting your own benchmarks and celebrating the wins, big or small, on your own terms. And when the external pressures start to feel like too much, take a moment to remind yourself of your own track record, the personal victories you've got under your belt, and take a moment to remember that every sailor is vulnerable to the calls of the Siren's.

4. Charting the Course: Building a Purpose-Driven Life

Passion, values, and personal strengths are like the stars as the navigation that guides us. Passion is the wind in your sails, it’s what propels you forward, even when the waters get rough. Your values are like the compass that keeps you true north; they ensure that the journey you’re on aligns with who you are and what you stand for. And your personal strengths? They're the sturdy build of your ship, the skills and talents that allow you to navigate challenges and harness opportunities. When all three are in sync, they set a powerful direction for your journey, helping you to identify a purpose that resonates with your core.

This is not to say that these things do not change. Every December/January time frame, I like doing an exercise to see what I want to focus on for the new year, and understand how my values may have changed from the year prior. I usually do this with a larger canvas-style paper and spend a weekend getting my thoughts out and charting some goals for the new year, but this year I had a dear friend, Mike, share the below exercise with me that I think is a much better-guiding exercise for people who want to start this practice.

Link: A Year of Miracles [2]

Setting goals is like plotting points on a nautical chart; they're the landmarks that mark the progress on your voyage. These aren't just any points though, they're carefully chosen to lead you closer to your purpose, ensuring every effort you make is a step towards the life you envision. It’s about making choices that not only advance you towards your goals but also feel deeply right and rewarding. By setting goals aligned with your purpose, you're committing to a path that is uniquely yours, and every choice becomes an integral part of a larger journey. It’s the difference between drifting aimlessly at sea and steering confidently towards a new horizon, your horizon.

With these first four steps, we have explored a great start to discovering purpose and setting up your life in tandem with your dreams, goals, and aspirations.

I hope you feel compelled to take a moment in the coming weeks to sit down and work through some of these exercises. This will bring you one step closer to optimizing your life in favor of your purpose and, in turn, helping optimize your health, happiness, and human connections.

I look forward to seeing you next week for Part 2.

Sources

[1]  https://newsroom.ucla.edu/magazine/sense-of-purpose-happy-healthy

[2] Mel Robbins Youtube: Unfollow Friday

[3] https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hrLryMXiV1Riu93KHmKp5m6MdHzLAQxU/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=103196499995608247887&rtpof=true&sd=true

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Think of life as a complex quilt, and epigenetics is like the seamstress, deciding not only the colors and designs passed down through our DNA but also how our daily habits and surroundings thread influence into our genetic narrative.

Epigenetics, in the simplest terms, is the study of how your behaviors and environment can cause changes that affect how your genes work. Unlike genetic changes, epigenetic changes don't alter your DNA sequence, but they can change how your body reads a DNA sequence. You can think of it as a light switch that can turn genes on or off and determine whether specific genes are actively expressed or silenced. These changes can be influenced by factors like diet, stress, exposure to pollution, exercise, and relationships, amongst many other things.

Today we are going to demystify this concept to help you understand the way your biology, your genes, your environment, your lifestyle, your social interactions, and everything you are experiencing throughout your life impact how your genes work and as a result impact your health, happiness, and human connections.

Today's Flow:

1. Foundations of Epigenetics

   1. Fundamentals

   2. Research

   3. Quick exercise

2. Applications

   1. 10 Changes & Benefits

   2. Conscious Trade-offs

3. Future Developments & Considerations

4. Conclusion

So let's jump right in.

Foundations of Epigenetics

"Genetic factors could explain only a fraction (20 to 30%) of the differences observed in life spans of monozygotic twins, the majority of the remainder of variation [70-80%] is thought to have arisen through epigenetic drift during their lifetime" 
 - Sangita Pal and Jessica K. Tyler in "Epigenetics and aging"  [1]  

This research by Sangita Pal and Jessica K. Tyler highlights the significant role of epigenetic changes, as opposed to genetic factors, in influencing identical twins' health and life span, suggesting that lifestyle and environmental factors have a massive role in aging. It highlights the concept of "epigenetic drift," where identical genetic material can lead to different outcomes based on changes that affect gene expression over time.

The fact that up to 80% of how one looks, acts, and feels is up to the choices they make, in my eyes, is empowering and enlightening.

This part of today's exploration will lean more academic, but I will do my best not to delve too deep into the weeds of the studies and conclusions. I do believe it is important to lay the groundwork before providing changes that I have made personally and discussing areas for people to explore in their own lives.

Epigenetics is the story of how your environment and lifestyle choices can leave marks on your DNA, kind of like leaving sticky notes on a cookbook telling your body which recipes to use or ignore. This story began back in the early 20th century when scientists started noticing that there's more to inheritance than just the DNA sequence. They saw that something outside of the DNA sequence could influence how genes are turned on or off.

In the 1940s and 50s, researcher Conrad Waddington coined "epigenetics" to describe this idea. His first research study published on the topic was ‘The genetic assimilation of the bithorax phenotype,’ published in Evolution in 1956. [2]

Fast forward to the late 20th and early 21st centuries, scientists began to uncover the mechanisms behind epigenetics, such as DNA methylation and histone modification, kind of like discovering the grammar rules that decide how the DNA's instructions are read.

My favorite way to think about this is using the example of a computer. Think of genetics as the hardware of a computer, the physical components that make up your DNA, like the hard drive storing all your files and programs. Epigenetics, on the other hand, is like the software, programs, and applications that tell the hardware what to do. While the hardware (genetics) sets the foundation and capabilities of the computer, the software (epigenetics) can modify how these capabilities are used, without changing the hardware itself. Just like updating your software can change how your computer operates, environmental factors and lifestyle choices can modify epigenetic markers, influencing how genes are expressed or silenced, thus affecting your health and traits without altering the DNA sequence itself.

These discoveries showed us that our genes aren't just set in stone from birth. They can be influenced by factors like diet, stress, and even our mother's environment before we were born. It's a field that blurs the line between nature and nurture, showing us that our life experiences can directly impact our genetic blueprint and potentially be passed on to future generations.

So, let's look at a study.

Randy Jirtle Agouti Mouse example:

One of the most famous studies used to explain epigenetics is the 2003 study using agouti mice by biologist Randy  Jirtle (fellow Wisconsinite-whoop whoop). This study ultimately became so popular and respected that in this line of research, he was honored in 2006 with the Distinguished Achievement Award from the College of Engineering at the University of Wisconsin-Madison (Go Badgers!). Then, in 2007, Jirtle was also nominated for Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year.” [3]

In this study, Jirtle and his team worked with agouti mice, which are genetically predisposed to being fat, yellow in color, and prone to cancer and diabetes. However, when pregnant agouti mice were fed a diet rich in methyl donors (like folic acid, vitamin B12, choline, and betaine), substances that can add chemical tags called methyl groups to DNA, the offspring were significantly healthier. They were born with a brown coat instead of yellow, were leaner, and did not show the same predisposition to diseases as their untreated counterparts.

This study illustrated that the diet of the pregnant mice could alter the epigenetic marks on the DNA of their offspring, specifically affecting the agouti gene responsible for coat color, weight, and health risk without changing the DNA sequence itself.

The nutrients in the diet added methyl groups to the DNA, which silenced the expression of the agouti gene, leading to the healthier physical appearance of the offspring. This research highlighted and validated the impact of environmental factors, like diet, on genetic expression and the potential for epigenetic changes to be reversible or preventable, which has significant implications for understanding the role of genetics and environment in health and disease.

Infographic from: https://learn.genetics.utah.edu/content/epigenetics/nutrition

Now it is important for me to acknowledge that we are in fact not agouti mice, and that humans are much more complex creatures. But, over the last two decades since this research was published,  there has been a significant amount of positive research exploring DNA Methylation's ability to show similar effects on humans.

Some studies to dig into if you are curious:

1. "A comprehensive methylome map of lineage commitment from hematopoietic progenitors" - Hong Ji (2010) [4]

   1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2956609/

      1. In very simple terms, Your body has a type of stem cell that can turn into any kind of blood cell it needs, whether it's a type that fights infection (like lymphoid cells) or a type that carries oxygen (like myeloid cells). All these different blood cells come from the same starting point, but as they mature, they specialize or "differentiate" into specific types based on your body's needs.

2. "Multi-omic underpinnings of epigenetic aging and human longevity" - Lucas A. Mavromatis (2023) [5]

   1. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-023-37729-w

      1. a. This study uses methods to link specific genes and biological markers to aging, offering targets for potential to improve healthspan and longevity, which could revolutionize how we approach aging and age-related diseases.

3. " DNA methylation-based biomarkers and the epigenetic clock theory of ageing" by Steve Horvath & Kenneth Raj [6]

   1. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41576-018-0004-3

      1. Here, the researchers highlight the role of epigenetic changes in aging and suggest that DNA methylation patterns could be used to develop interventions to promote healthy aging.

Overall, these studies and others like them are helping to unravel the complex ways in which epigenetic factors influence gene function, health, and disease. It has been discovered that even in adults, we have significant control over our experiences that change how our genes are expressed.

Why should you care?

This research shows that YOU have the power to modify your genes and reverse disease, and even reverse biological age, no matter how old you are.

I believe this research on epigenetics and methylation, if done right, will change the entire healthcare system over time.

Quick Exercise

Ok, now I want to do an exercise to show how powerful your thoughts can be on the encoding of your genes and biology.

Picture this: A big, fresh Mediterranean lemon. The ripest, juiciest lemon you have ever seen. You can smell the citrus. After smelling the lemon you take a big bite of the lemon.

Give it a second and let that feel of the lemon really set in. You can taste the citrusy burst of lemon on your tongue.

.

.

.

Now notice: What is happening in your mouth? You are likely producing significant amounts of saliva--without a real lemon.

This example provides a simplified illustration of how thoughts and sensory perceptions can trigger physiological responses, like salivation, even without a physical stimulus. This demonstrates the brain's powerful ability to influence bodily functions based on perception, which is related to the concept of epigenetics in that it shows how non-genetic factors (in this case, sensory thoughts) can lead to biological changes. However, I will note that I like this example because it is quick and tangible. Still, more complex epigenetic changes typically refer to modifications that affect gene expression over a longer term and can be passed down through cell division.

Applications

Now that we have set the framework for why epigenetics is so important, we can dig more into the personal side of it.

I often tell my friends that I plan to live to be 150, and they look at me like I have three heads.

I plan to be 150 through a variety of ways but it often comes up when friends ask about retirement, financials, and health. I point to the exponential curve of health discoveries and biotech advancements as reasons I think this is plausible, but I really lean into through my lifestyle and personal development

I want to take the next few minutes to break down a few changes I have made in my life, and that I think can be good changes for people to consider to improve healthspan and genetic expression. The goal of this is to show how little changes in understanding your external variables can make you operate more optimally, live healthier, and be happier.

10 Changes & Benefits

1. Morning Light Exposure

My morning routine is very important to me as I believe in setting a framework for my day that allows me to be able to operate optimally and successfully. One of the important factors for this is ensuring that I wake up and feel energized—ready to accomplish the day. So the first thing I do when I get up is get out of my bed and turn on the lights in my kitchen or open my curtains.

Exposure to morning light can have several beneficial effects on my body, which can be linked to epigenetic changes. Light, especially natural light in the morning (which is difficult in the dark London winters), helps to regulate our circadian rhythms, which are the physical, mental, and behavioral changes that follow a 24-hour cycle. These rhythms affect sleep, hormone levels, and even gene expression. By influencing the body's internal clock, morning light can cause epigenetic modifications that optimize gene expression patterns, improving metabolic functions, mood regulation, and overall well-being.

These benefits have been widely popularized by Andrew Huberman (Neuroscientist at Standford) in his podcast Huberman Labs, and can be a transformative first step in one’s health journey.

2. Gratitude Exercise

I start each day with my gratitude journal or a moment of gratitude while traveling. During this practice I set an intention for the day and look for 3-5 reasons to be grateful.

This has been one of the most psychologically beneficial changes that I made, which started back when I worked in the Buying Offices at Macy's Inc. in New York City in 2018. I used to have everyone in the cubicles around me also tell me five things they were grateful for as, at the time, I felt like I could feel a shift in energy in the room when we all started with that practice.But event after I left, I received texts from my coworkers saying they were still doing the practice up to 2 years later and it made me smile (and also solidified that these practices work for other people as well!).

When you focus on positive thoughts, like gratitude, your body can reduce the production of stress hormones like cortisol. Lower levels of stress hormones can lead to a healthier physical state because chronic stress can cause epigenetic changes shown to negatively affect health and immune system.

The act of expressing gratitude has also been shown to increase the production of feel-good neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, which can have a positive effect on mood and stress response at an epigenetic level over time.

The five minute journal is a really great resource to start this type of practice.

3. Walk & Train

I exercise every morning whether it be a proper gym session or a bit of a walk to get my body moving even on my rest days. I intentionally go to a gym that is 2 miles from my flat in London so that I can get my daily steps in and create space to wake up, get my brain active, and get fresh air before I arrive.

Walking can alter the expression of genes involved in inflammation, immune response, and metabolic processes by changing the methylation patterns of DNA. Meaning that a simple morning walk ( a good benchmark is 20 minutes) can help reduce inflammation, enhance immune function, and improve metabolism, which are associated with a lower risk of chronic diseases, better mental health, and overall longevity.

It is an easy way (for most people) to get started with recognizing how your choices can improve your mental and physical health. The suggested amount, as we have all heard, is 10,000 steps per day (I have averaged 17,100 a day for the past year as 15,000-20,000 is my sweet spot), but even going from 3,000 (which is the average amount of steps for a US adult according to Mayo Cinic [6]) to 6,000 has shown to reduce individual risk for heart disease, obesity, iabetes, high blood pressure, and depression.

So go on, get that hot girl walk in—it’s good for you.

4. Sleep Regulation

I am very intentional about creating a space for my sleep, as research has shown how integral it is for cognitive function and performance.

I do not sleep with my phone or a TV in my bedroom for multiple reasons. One of them is the temptation to engage with these things in a space that I have designated for my rest. But more importantly, having no screens in my bedroom benefits me biologically by promoting better sleep quality.

Screens emit blue light, which can suppress melatonin production, the hormone that regulates sleep-wake cycles. Melatonin is produced by the pineal gland in the brain when it gets dark, signaling to your body that it's time to sleep. Exposure to blue light at night from screens can trick your brain into thinking it's still daytime, thus reducing melatonin levels and making it harder to fall asleep or stay asleep (this is even worse if you check your phone when you wake up in the middle of the night!)

5. Conscious Consumption

I became vegan almost 3 years ago now. Everyone always asks me if it was for the animals, to reduce my carbon footprint, or for health reasons. These all played somewhat of a role in it, (and at the time my good friend Jack was also trying it out and had influenced me to give it a go). But ultimately, the primary reason I stuck with it was the intentionality it forced me to have around my consumption patterns.

Whenever I picked up a new food or ordered something at a restaurant, I started paying attention to the nutrition labels. This at first was to check for animal products, but then quick became an exercise to understand the nutritional make-up of the food. I started reducing my consumption of saturated fats, sugars, sodium, and preservatives simply by being more intentional about what I was picking up.

It also allowed me to ensure I was hitting my protein goals, consuming the right amount of good fat, and understanding my carb consumption as it pertained to my fitness goals and cognitive performance.

6. No Alcohol

As I know this change is probably one of the harder ones for people to comprehend (although society is trending in a good direction - props to Gen Z!), I will keep this straight to the point.

Alcohol consumption can significantly affect mood regulation, as it acts as a depressant on the central nervous system. Initially, it may stimulate neurotransmitter release that enhances mood, but chronic consumption leads to a reduction in these neurotransmitters, which can result in mood disorders. Additionally, alcohol can increase the body's production of cortisol, a stress hormone, which over time can impair the body's ability to regulate stress and anxiety effectively.

Persistently high cortisol levels due to regular alcohol intake can lead to various health issues, including immune dysfunction, increased abdominal fat, and cardiovascular disease. Additionally, mood disturbances may contribute to behaviors that further compromise health and shorten lifespan.

Andrew Huberman has also popularized this. Huberman's podcast episode on alcohol “What Alcohol Does to Your Body, Brain & Health” was the most shared podcast in 2023 (I was probably 50% of the sends). If you want a further deep dive into the effects of alcohol, I recommend listening to this podcast, and I will also do a Connective Threads piece on this topic and my experience with it in the future.

Link to the podcast here

7. Supplementation Stack

I use many supplements to ensure I can get the proper nutrients to maintain healthy brain function and gut health. I want to extrapolate on three that I take for more specified reasons, then I will list the rest. Some of these are all still very new to the market and are undergoing further studies, but I find them to help for the reasons listed below.

•  Lions Mane for Cognitive Function

  • Lion's Mane mushroom contains compounds that stimulate the growth of brain cells. Studies suggest these effects could be beneficial for improving cognitive function, especially in individuals with mild cognitive impairment or Alzheimer's disease. However, it is generally believed that more research is still needed to fully understand how Lion's Mane can support brain health in humans more holistically.

•  Magnesium L-Threonate for Sleep (1 hour before sleep)

  • Magnesium levels play an important role in the brain in supporting deep, restorative sleep by maintaining healthy levels of GABA, a neurotransmitter that promotes sleep. Adequate magnesium levels can help improve sleep quality, and Magnesium L-Threonate is often chosen for its ability to better penetrate the brain barrier for a more effective increase in brain magnesium levels.

• Creatine Monohydrate for Muscle Repair

  • Creatine monohydrate helps with muscle repair by providing extra support in ATP, the main energy source for muscle contractions, which is important during high-intensity exercises (I always take a little extra before Barry's Bootcamp). This extra energy aids in longer and more intense training sessions, which is beneficial for both muscle growth and repair. Additionally, creatine can draw water into muscle cells, aiding in muscle repair and growth.

• A list of all my other daily supplements:

  • Electrolyte & Hydration Tablet with 24oz of water

  • Vitamin A - 1 tablet

  • Vitamin B complex - 1 tablet

  • Vitamin C - 2g

  • Vitamin D - 250mg

  • Omega 3 - 2g

  • Ashwagandha - 500mg

  • Organic Sea Moss - 1 capsule (soon to be removed)

  • Finasteride - 2.5mg

  • Minoxidil - 2.5mg

  • 15g Amino Acids

  • Ginkgo Biloba - 600mg

8. Community Building

Humans are pack animals. We have always moved in groups, depended on each other, and lifted each other up since the dawn of our time on this planet. It is no surprise that our brains are wired to derive extreme benefits from deep and meaningful relationships.

Good human relationships are also fundamental to mental and physical health. They offer emotional support, which can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. Social connections also encourage healthier lifestyle choices and can enhance immune function. Moreover, strong relationships contribute to a sense of belonging and purpose, which have played a major role in longevity research.

Over the past few years, I have been fortunate enough to work an incredible job that I find very rewarding by building communities (6,000 members and founders strong!). Still, I have also made an equal effort to create space for the people in my personal life for time with my loved ones and friends. I have highly prioritzied creating spaces for people outside of partying to have genuine and thoughtful conversation. Some of these spaces include themed dinners and a regular reflection group that we call “Full Moon Mindfullness”, where we get together to check in on goals, challenges, and overall well being every full moon to support one another.

*Picture of a Gaingels event in Los Angeles

9. Petting Dogs

I will always try to stop and pet dogs in a park when I am on a walk.

We've seen studies show a significant release of oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine when petting dogs. These chemicals are associated with pleasure and bonding and can help to lower stress levels. Physical contact can also reduce levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, and lower blood pressure, leading to a more relaxed and calm state.

It is shown to do the same for the dog as well.

Enough said. Pet more dogs.

10. Breathwork Practice

The last change that I want to touch on is breathwork. This was a relatively new concept to me which I found two years ago as I was really digging into niche areas of my life that I could improve. Needless to say I have found breathwork engaging in transformative for a few reasons.

Breathwork works for me in the place of what most people use as meditation. It aims to bring awareness and control to the breathing process, which can calm the mind and reduce stress. While meditation often involves observing thoughts and sensations, breathwork actively uses breathing techniques to influence mental, emotional, and physical states. It's a more accessible practice for those who may find traditional meditation challenging. Although I find breathwork to be a good practice for me right now, I am also still working on being better at meditating in the meantime.

Lastly, breathwork is the only out of body experience that I have ever had (Needless to say for most people, but for those who do not know me well, I do not do drugs). Studies have shown that breathwork can stimulate similar effects to psychedelics in that it can induce altered states of consciousness, intense emotional release, and sometimes even visual hallucinations. This is due to the impact that controlled breathing can have on the nervous system and brain chemistry, affecting the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in the body, which can lead to changes in perception.

When I had my first out-of-body experience, it felt like a confirmation of the road that I am on in life and my desire to bring people together to share experiences to generate opportunities to become better versions of ourselves. I have only had the out-of-body experience once, but I find the practice extremely grounding and helps me stay in homeostasis and aligned with my mission.

Trade-Offs

There are still many areas that I am looking to improve in my life, including access to regular nature, caffeine consumption, and exposure to pollution that I believe, among other things, could improve the epigenetic influence on my longevity.

I will highlight one to show how I think of these trade-offs for the time being.

Pollution:

I live in London, a large urban city that has a lot of pollution. I am aware that this pollution has the potential to lead to health problems, such as an increased risk of chronic diseases, including respiratory conditions, cardiovascular diseases, and even cancer. Even more short term affects like reduced cognitive function in areas with increase C02 parts per million. However, I believe that the benefits of having a community around me, mental stimulation from local events, and my ability to correct for this exposure through air purifiers and time spent out of London is actually a net positive for me to live in the environment that I do.

I will take regular inventory of things I know that are not good for me, and think of ways in which I can correct for it or balance it out with other areas in my life.

Future Development & Consideration

The MRI, our first non-invasive ability to scan brain activity, was only invented in the 1970s. For me, this highlights the infancy stage that we are currently in with understanding just how our brains truly work. We see new tools coming to fruition quite often now that help us understand ourselves and how our biology works.

I believe in the coming years, we will see a much broader adoption of tools, experiences, and achievement orientation that will be leveraged to optimize the human experience and our time here on Earth.

A few things I have my eyes on in the near future:

1. Psychedelics

I have never done psychedelics, but I have seen the research and heard first-hand stories of how transformative this tool can be for individuals. The popular book "How to change your mind" by Michael Pollen, which has since been made into a Netflix series (which I have not seen but plan to watch one day), amongst other research has created a lot of space for the discussion in business and for the greater good of society.

The use of these tools (psilocybin being the most prevalent at the moment) is being researched for their potential therapeutic effects, including their ability to bring about lasting changes in mental state and cognitive function.

From an epigenetic standpoint, these substances may affect gene expression related to neural plasticity (I will have a whole piece on this in the future), mood regulation, and stress response. While the exact impacts are still being studied, it's hypothesized that psychedelics could induce beneficial changes that help in the treatment of conditions like PTSD, depression, and anxiety, potentially leading to improved mental health outcomes on a societal level. However, I personally believe these substances should always be used within a legal, safe, and clinically supervised context. Still, I am bullish on this topic, given the research and experiences of people near and dear to me.

In full transparency, as that is my goal for Connective Threads, I do plan to try psilocybin in the near future. I would like to go where it is legal at some point in the coming year, find someone who I trust to guide the experience, and go in with the intention of being open and learning so I can speak first hand to the experience and usage as a tool.

2. Wearables, Biomarkers, & Longevity CPG

An incredible development in the past decade has been wearable technology. It has given humans an insight into regular biomarkers to understand what is really going on with our bodies. I personally engage with my Apple Watch and Eight Sleep Bed to track my expenditure and recovery, but I have my eye on many products and practices coming down the pipeline.

1. Zoe - Gut Health Optimization

2. Oura Ring - Expenditure and Recovery (looking to replace my Apple watch)

3. InsideTracker - Blood Biomarker Tracking

4. Jung+ - Longevity CPG

5. Apple Vision Pro - Apple’s new spatial computing device (I’m interested in seeing the opportunity to treat mental illness through immersive experiences here)

All very interesting areas of development that are ripe for expansion or disruption, and I am keen to watch navigate the change over the next 12 months.

3. Love & Life Fulfilment

Pivoting away from tools to focus on why I care about all of this, I ultimately want to achieve my goals and desires for the life I want to live on this planet.

A big focus for me in the near future is making space for romantic relationships. Although I clearly love the idea of being healthy and living a long time for myself, it is very much so done through a lens of services for the things and people that I love.

This year I turned 28, and one of the things on my radar is my desire to have kids in the coming years. One of the most fulfilling things for me is helping people learn and grow. A big reason I put an emphasis on wellness and epigenetics is so I can show up as a better person for the people around me (reminder from the introduction that my life motto is “Be the person you needed when you were younger”).

Ultimately, I think these traits and experiences are setting me up to be a great dad, and I am really looking forward to the day that I get to put that into practice.

For now, I am excited to find a partner when the time is right, learn and grow together in a consistent and healthy way, and start the journey down that path when the time is right.

Conclusion

The last five years of my life have been a phase of finding homeostasis. I focused a lot on understanding what it meant to be me (the next Connective Threads is on "Sense of Self"). To be the most authentic version of myself, I peeled away nearly all inhibiting substances, built a great foundation of epigenetically beneficial practices, and established a clear mind to start exploring what is possible in my future.

This opportunity with understanding the influence of epigentics at its core is an opportunity to become extremely empowered in our daily lives. You no longer have to think "Oh my god I am going to get heart disease, I am going to get cancer, I am going to get diabetes" simply because your family has a history for these diseases. It is on you to change your lifestyle, break generations of bad habits, or continue good habits your parents or caregivers may have taught you.

The single biggest risk factor for every disease is age. As we saw today, there increasing evidence that we can not only stop but reverse our biological age through conscious lifestyle improvements.

Up to 80% of the way you show up in this world is up to you, so what are you going to do to become a better version of yourself and achieve your dreams?

Sources:

[1] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4966880/

[2] https://journals.biologists.com/jeb/article/218/6/816/14495/Conrad-Waddington-and-the-origin-of-epigenetics

[3] https://www.drkarafitzgerald.com/2018/04/12/epigenetics-the-agouti-mice-study-with-dr-randy-jirtle/

[4] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2956609/

[5] https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-023-37729-w

[6] (https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/fitness/in-depth/10000-steps/art-20317391#:~:text=It%20all%20depends%20on%20your,now%2C%20as%20your%20own%20baseline.)

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In Meditations (a personal journal of Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius), we get insight into the mind of Marcus Aurelius, arguably the most powerful man in the world at this time, and his ideas about how to consistently become a better version of himself. The above quote is one of my favorites as it highlights our human tendencies to place our goals in quantifiable realms such as work or sport but then, in the same breath, proceed to break it down and ask the fundamental questions of being a better person intrinsically.

I have loved the concept of becoming a better version of myself for as long as I can remember. I intentionally choose the phrase "becoming a better version of myself" rather than "becoming the best version of myself," as I have found over the years that it is the journey that compels me more than the destination.

The Foundation of Connective Threads

9 years ago, I came out of the closet as gay. This was a transformative moment for me (as it is for most people in the queer community) as I came to terms with the fact that I had built a façade for my entire life leading up to this point. I had aligned my identity with variables for society's expectations -- not the things that were true to me. And suddenly, I had the opportunity to change that.

This pivotal moment happened for me in my second year at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. I was fortunate as I had a footing in the academic world and was surrounded by thought leaders, researchers, and all the academic literature from economics to sociology that I could have ever asked for. Looking back, I definitely took a lot of this time for granted; however, I determined then that I would use the spare time I had on top of my studies over the next 3 years as an opportunity for me to maximize my experience, trial and build new systems for success, and understand what I really wanted to achieve - all on the foundation of finding out what worked for my authentic self.

I recall that year scrolling through Pinterest while looking for graphics for a business school presentation, and I came across the picture below, which still exists in the screenshots on my iPhone photos (thank you, Apple).

I had seen this picture and paused. I read it again, and again, and again.

For some reason, this quote was really resonating with me. I began to think about it, and I realized that having grown up in a very conservative town in Wisconsin, I was not exposed to many queer people who had lived lives that I admired. Since starting university, I had met LGBTQIA+ thinkers, business executives, and mentors who showcased to me that the life I dreamed of was possible.

I realized then that I wanted to be that person for my younger self or for any people who needed someone to look to for guidance or inspiration.

The Journey to Connective Threads

I want to start by stating that my journey over the past 9 years has not been perfect. I am by no means an expert in this area, but I think everyone can find value in deciphering information and sharing it through their perspective, experience, and interpretations.

I follow and often compare my life situations to an ancient school of Roman philosophy called Stoicism. One of the core principles of this set of thought can be summed up in a quote by Epictetus (Greek Philosopher born into slavery) roughly translated to "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." I have read many iterations of this quote shared by many people, from Epictetus' pupil Arrian to modern-day philosophers like Ryan Holiday. Each time someone shares their take on this principle, the words slightly change, the emphasis is put on a new part, or certain words are left out. Each time I see a new phrasing, it feels like an opportunity to look at the principle through a new lens and see something different. A chance to learn about how it is being shared that way and why someone decided that these were the essential variables as opposed to others. 

This led me to reflect on all of the ideas and lessons I have learned throughout my life.

I have the same opportunity to share my interpretations, beliefs, and reads of literature in the same way these philosophers did thousands of years ago. In the same way that researchers gather insights and share them in universities. In the same ways that most people have access to digital resources and can share any information as they begin to learn new ideas and want it to reach more people for the greater good of society.

I will break down some principles I expect to guide this series of journal entries for the coming years into 5 initial categories.

1. Sense of why

2. Biological Foundation

3. Evolving Tools & Research

4. Thought Leadership

5. Giving Back

So let's get into it.

1. A Sense of Purpose

In 2017 I was sitting at a conference in New York City in my third year of university when an individual by the name of Simon Sinek whom I had never heard of, came on stage. He had given each of us a copy of his new book "Start With Why," and I remember this 60-minute session being one of the most crystallizing moments in understanding how knowing one's purpose on this planet can catalyze the goals you are working towards.

Although most of Sinek's conversation that day in regard to business, I, at the time, was a student. I read his book and found it highly compelling. I decided to take a broad approach and start applying the 'Start With Why' mentality across my life. I began to find it helpful to understand how leveraging my purpose or my intentions was the most powerful way to start anything, from a project to a new relationship.

Thus, I am starting Connective Threads explaining why: How I got to this place, what has compelled me to share my thoughts, and why I look forward to continuing to write journal entries going forward.

2. Biological Foundation

Another foundational principle in my life is the study of epigenetics (which is my first journal entry coming next week).  Epigenetics is the study of how your behaviors and environment can cause changes in your genetic expression. Put simply, the decisions you make matter more than your genetic predisposition. Every day, you have the opportunity to get up when you set your alarm, drink the amount of water that is recommended, get proper nutrients, exercise for at least 30 minutes, etc. etc.. Each time you make the decision to do or not do a task that you deem important, you are telling yourself what kind of person you are and how you will show up in the world, and your brain listens to that.

One of the most alarming charts to me is our continued issues as a society with obesity See below for the progression from 1975 to 2016.

Data source: https://ourworldindata.org/obesity

Epigenetics has marked a fundamental shift from viewing genetics as a deterministic variable that defines our traits and health outcomes to an understanding that factors in our control can influence gene expression without changing the DNA sequence. These new studies reveal how diet, stress, and other environmental influences can modify genes' activity, suggesting that our lifestyle choices and environment significantly impact our health and happiness. In my mind, this reshapes societal beliefs that have been held for decades in medicine, highlighting the importance of a holistic approach to health.

In my personal life, I have seen cancer, diabetes, and obesity on both sides of my family. I do not believe, however, that this means I cannot control whether or not I will end up with these diseases. I look at the many variables of my family through history: exposure to pesticides while farming, lack of education in proper nutrients or food quality, lack of exercise, and habits of drinking and smoking. These have had many impacts on their cognitive function, biological health, and genetic expression. I believe that with my guiding principles in life, through my reading of the scientific literature, and leveraging tools, I can understand what my body needs to maximize its health given the current resources on this planet.

I am a vegan.

I do not drink alcohol.

I am passionate about fitness.

I love to learn.

I plan to evolve with the times.

All of these intentions are in pursuit of consistently building health habits to become a better version of myself and ensure I lead a life that is fully of health, happiness, and human connection.

3. Evolving Tools & Research

I think one of the hallmarks of an intelligent person is someone who is willing to change their perspective on a situation when presented with a new set of facts.

I highly value continued education and learning in my day-to-day life. We are constantly finding new ways as a society to tell stories, share research, and have dialogue with other people who share similar interests. One of my favorite habits that I built into my routine started in 2018. I had a 40-minute walk to work in New York City and wanted to use the time effectively to learn about research and society. I started listening to podcasts. I remember these early days of podcasts when I would get so excited about publications that I respected getting into the game; like the Wall Street Journal coming out with 'The Journal' podcast in 2019.

These podcasts quickly became a healthy mix of my consumption alongside books and documentaries for topics I wanted to explore through an educational lens.

It wasn't until 2021 that I joined the world of venture capital. Here, I am truly surrounded by incredible subject matter experts on a regular basis who were pioneering changes in society and having healthy debates about how evolving research shapes the way they are investing and building companies. This felt like, for the first time, I was participating in the discussion I would listen to on my podcasts.

These pioneering companies are allowing us (among other things) insight into our biological function and changes that we can make daily to optimize our health and, in turn, our happiness. A few of my favorites (I will disclose that we have investments in these companies - but for good reason! We believe in them!) are Whoop, Oura, and Eight Sleep. I think the founders and current leadership teams are developing these tools to help us better understand our biological factors, such as HRV, sleep patterns, and expenditure on a consistent basis that allows us to make decisions in favor of our health outcomes.

   Images from WHOOP, Oura, and Eight Sleep websites.

There are so many places to find emerging information and continue learning. Additionally, I am very fortunate in my career and for having access to new companies and ideas as they are coming to market. Thus, I look forward to sharing my thoughts and experiences through this medium.

4. Thoughts Leaders

In October of 2023, we hosted our very first-ever Gaingels Week. This week brought together thought leaders across the startup, venture capital, and investing realms to discuss emerging technology, markets, and debate trends and ideas. The demand was much more significant than we expected, with over 1,200 registrations across our 23 events in 5 days. We had topics from Technology that unlocks Human Potential to a State of the Union on Artificial Intelligence, guided mainly by the requests of our community worldwide.

This was the moment when I decided that I needed to start writing down my learnings to truly solidify the fire hose of incredibly useful information that I was receiving. Within the week, I had claimed the Connective Threads Substack domain and began writing out the topics that were transforming how I showed up in my life.

Being alongside thought leaders and pioneers in emerging markets is incredible to watch. I was getting insight into the minds of people running businesses valued at $100 million to over a billion dollars and impacting the lives of millions of people daily. Hearing these founders and subject matter experts being vulnerable and candid not only allowed me to be optimistic about the changes that are inevitably coming but understand the questions and thought processes of the people at the forefront of these innovations.

Picture from Gaingels Week event "Technology that unlocks Human Potential"

5. Giving Back

I have often shared snippets of my ideas around my favorite topics in short-form content on my social media platforms and in-person conversations. The most rewarding thing for me is getting responses from people who have implemented change after seeing the idea and feel more fulfilled because of it. I have seen my accountability group ideas centered around full-moon mindfulness (more on this in another entry) span from London initially to groups in New York and Paris, I have received kind remarks from consultants who, after having joined our company, significantly reduced drinking after being exposed to the science which led to a better vacation with their daughter, and many more example I will likely share throughout the journal entries.

I feel very fortunate at the age of 28 to have a seat at tables where decisions are being made, guided by mentors whom I consider visionaries in their respective fields, and have a platform that allows me to disseminate information that I believe can help my peers for the greater good. With that, one of my core principles will always be giving back, in the hopes that sharing this information can help inspire at least one person to make a change in their day-to-day life and become a better version of themselves in their own eyes.

Connective Threads to come

To this day, I have a decal on my bathroom mirror that reads "Be the person you needed when you were younger" as a reminder every day when I wake up and brush my teeth that I have a guiding purpose on this planet. I can use that power to make any decision and find growth every day.

So here we are, Connective Threads, the opportunity I am creating to share some ideas that have helped put my life on a positive trajectory. The ultimate purpose of this journal is to solidify my understanding of these ideas and continue to grow. Still, through my desire to also give back and help those around me, I look forward to sharing these ideas with my peers so we can grow together.

I ask for your patience as I am a new writer, and I will refine my style as I write more. I also plan to explore new, more effective ways to deliver information, so feedback is always welcome. Please remember that my style is curated to make this information resonate with my peers and not sound like a research paper.

I look forward to examining science, technology, and philosophy with each of you on a weekly basis to understand how we can weave actionable threads of health, happiness, and human connection into a fulfilling life.

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